Love is dead! May the bugs dance on its bloated corpse!
Sure, it’s discouraging to realize that romantic relationships are generally less durable than the average cockroach, but look on the bright side: at least your heart doesn’t release tiny, gelatinous egg sacs all over the kitchen floor when it gets squashed, right? Besides, if you’re in need of something to cheer you up this Valentine’s Day, the San Francisco Zoo’s new adoption program for Madagascar hissing cockroaches or giant hairy desert scorpions might do the trick:
These invertebrates are aggressive, active, and alarmingly nocturnal. Much like your low-life ex, they are usually found in and around low-elevation valleys where they dig elaborate burrows or ‘caves’. Also just like you-know-who, when a suitable victim wanders by, the scorpion grabs the doomed creature with its pinchers and stings the prey … Charming. With a little luck, this generous donation will release your bad love life karma so that you never have to encounter a cockroach again.
Adopting a scorpion costs upwards of $50, and includes a certificate and stuffed scorpion toy delivered to whoever “inspired” the donation. Hissing cockroaches, which the zoo kindly explains represent “the detritus of your love life,” are $25.
Although I appreciate the dedication with which the San Fran Zoo wants to help heal the romantically wronged, I think I prefer The Bronx Zoo’s slightly less cynical “Roaches are Forever” fundraiser, which in past years has allowed patrons to name Madagascar roaches after their loved ones to raise money for the World Wildlife Society. Of course, you don’t need to be in a romantic relationship to adopt a bug–you can always honor a family member or friend with a namesake, too. Bugs over baes forever!
(via The Associated Press and Jezebel, image via iSandurr on Flickr)
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Published: Jan 27, 2015 12:48 pm