2018 New Year’s Resolutions From Some of My Favorite TV Heroines
Happy New Year, Mary Suevians! The lives of the women we watched on TV this year reflected a lot of the issues and concerns we have in real-life. And just as I’m resolving to do certain things to make 2018 suck considerably less than 2017 did, I wonder what resolutions some of my favorite TV heroines would make…
DOLORES ABERNATHY (Westworld): “I’m all about getting in touch with my host heritage this year, and really exploring what that means to me, you know? Who am I? What music do I like? What are hosts even into? Of course, to do that, I need to be free of humans. So, you know, I’ll need to kill them all. It’s gonna be tough, but I’m up for the challenge. Bring it on, 2018!”
JUNE/”OFFRED” (The Handmaid’s Tale): “It’s not that I want all men to die, exactly? I just want them to, like, hurt real bad. So, I guess my resolution is…to make men hurt. Real bad.”
MICHAEL BURNHAM (Star Trek: Discovery): “New Year’s Resolutions are highly illogical. It is impossible to know what circumstances one will encounter in the coming year, and it wouldn’t make sense to make a promise based on unknown data. However, if I had to make one, it would be to be a better friend to Cadet Tilly. She’s always been kind to me, and I haven’t returned the favor nearly enough. But please don’t tell her. She’ll get way too happy about it.”
KARA DANVERS (Supergirl): “I resolve to stay single this year. If I want pleasure? That’s what pot stickers and ice cream are for. But seriously, though, would it be weird to have Winn work on a Kryptonian-strength vibrator? That’d be weird, wouldn’t it…”
ELEVEN (Stranger Things): “Reso…lution? Like a promise. To me. Okay. Mike likes my dress, but I like my bitchin’ clothes. I’m gonna wear what I like. Not what he likes. He’ll like me anyway.”
NICO MINORU (Marvel’s Runaways): “Take down my parents and figure out how to summon the spirit of my dead sister. What? What are other kids’ resolutions?”
What resolutions would you like to see your favorite characters make in 2018? And what are some of yours? Let’s talk resolutions, both fictional and real, in the comments below!
(featured image: merrychristmas-happynewyear.org)
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