The Hottest Anime Guys of All Time
Let me guess, you’ve worked your way through our list of Studio Ghibli’s hottest bachelors or hottest men of Disney and want more. I can see why. You want to spend quality time with your virtual husbando, your favorite hot anime guy, and a two-hour movie just isn’t enough. I get it. Two hours is a short amount of time to spend with someone you love, even if that love is totally made up and will never be requited because you functionally have the hots for a cartoon. But it’s 2022, who hasn’t wanted to fuck a cartoon by this point? Escape reality for a little while. For those of you who think that two hours of eye-fucking a cartoon isn’t enough, I have a solution for you. Anime. And not just any anime, but an anime series where you can spend countless hours eye fucking an animated hottie. So I’ve done you all a favor and put together a list of some beautiful anime hotties that you can spend hours of quality time with in your bedroom alone. Together. Alone. These are the hottest anime guys of all time.
Vash The Stampede
Alright, so Vash The Stampede from Trigun might seem like a bit of a goofball, but you see it’s actually just a facade he puts on to cover up his melancholically sexy alien nature. You heard me right. While on the surface, Vash The Stampede appears to be a hot man, he is actually a (spoiler alert) hot species of extraterrestrial called a “Plant.” This gives him superhuman levels of strength (hawt) dexterity (oh yes) hand-eye coordination (here for it) and longevity (take me). Vash The Stampede will be young and sexy forever, or at least for a very long time, and will be there to take care of you when you’re withered and old. Which leads us to the real reason why Vash is such an A1 Regulation Hottie. Vash cares about humanity. So deeply. He is perhaps the only true optimist on this list, and sees not just the good in people, but how people can be better. While he is a skilled gunfighter (also hot), he dreams of a world that is ruled by the concepts of love and peace, and he uses his considerable combat skills to bring about that vision. Who doesn’t love a man with ambitions and dreams? We do.
Spike Spiegel
Can’t get past Vash’s boyish veneer? We get it. He’s not everyone’s cup of tea. But we have another flavor of piping hot space cowboy that might be right up your perverted little alley (yes, I’m aware that sounded wrong but we’re rolling with it). Cowboy Bebop’s Spike Speigel has been hot since the 90s, and has only aged like fine wine. He was the anime it-boy before the explosion of anime (and hot anime guys) that happened in the 00s and 10s. He was cool before anime was cool. Hell, he singlehandedly put anime (and anime boys) on the map for millions of Western viewers. And we can see why. He’s handsome, courageous, debonair, and unassailably stylish. He is his own boss (hot) who travels around in a spaceship (yes) hunting down space criminals (I didn’t think I’d like it, but okay, I’m in) to make a living (nice). Yes, he has some emotional baggage (i.e. his lost love Julia, but come on, you’re hotter than Julia) but hey, it’s 2022, who doesn’t have baggage in this day and age?
Erwin Smith
Alright listen, everyone seems to think that Commander Levi is the hottest boy from Attack on Titan, and I get it, he’s sexy. But don’t you think he’s a little… high maintenance? I mean, yes, who doesn’t like a man who’s clean, but his levels of cleanliness seem a little… excessive? I feel like he might walk out of our dinner plans if I have some lint on my shirt (it’s 2022 who doesn’t have a little lint on their shirt?). He also seems… kinda mean. And I don’t think meanness is sexy. It also makes for poor leadership skills, which, dare I say it, inspiring as Levi is, I don’t think that Levi is “leadership material.” He tends to denigrate his subordinates, which is not how to inspire courage. Unlike another man in the Scout Regiment. The sexiest man in Scout Regiment. Commander Erwin. Commander Erwin is the pinnacle of “leadership material.” He is pragmatic, intelligent, charismatic, and therefore, sexy as hell. He may also be the bravest character on this list. Commander Erwin is not an exceptionally skilled combatant. He doesn’t have god-like combat prowess to rely on when he faces a tough foe. He is in peak physical condition (nice) but he is still human. And yet he leads the charge every single time. He even has had his arm bitten off by a titan during a charge and while he is being dragged away by the monster he still commands his men to keep going. He is the bravest of the brave, and it’s the thing that (spoiler) kills him in the end. But we won’t let that happen, will we? No, if we just love him hard enough I know that he won’t sacrifice his life for the cause. That’s how love works, right? It can change fate when fate has already been animated. I think?
Gojou Satoru
Gojou Satoru is a newcomer to the anime world, but he’s already stormed the battlements of our hearts and is already plundering our keeps (of our emotions you filthy bitches). Gojou is the most powerful sorcerer on Jujutsu Kaisen, and also the sexiest. First off, he’s fiendishly handsome. I mean look at his eyes. It’s like looking into blue heaven itself. He keeps them covered in a blindfold for reasons unknown (I think it’s because he’s kinky) but maybe if we love him hard enough he’ll take it off when he’s around us alone because we’re special. Gojou is also sexy because of his happy-go-lucky attitude. The other boys on this list may be too preoccupied with “saving the world” and other things that are less important than our love but not Gojou. Gojou will always find the time to surprise us with fun dates or gifts or secret kinky sex while he’s visiting our family (no Gojou my dad is right downstairs okay fine ravish me it’s all I want). The possibilities are endless with this man. And with another season of Jujutsu Kaisen on the way, who knows where Gojou will take us next.
Tuxedo Mask
I had to include Tuxedo Mask on this list, not because he’s our hottest husbando, but because he was our first. Tuxedo Mask was our collective anime first crush. He was our high school sweetheart. He was the boy whose name we wrote next to ours in our notebooks and bound them together in a big ballpoint pen-drawn heart. He was the senior that we hoped against hope would pick us to take to prom, instead of whatever bitchy but beautiful girl he was seeing. “We hate her. Love us, Tuxedo” was what our hearts would scream in the style of a Taylor Swift “dancing on our childhood twin bed” anthem. And how could we not? The boy had an impeccable sense of style, and he (I assume) always smelled like fresh-cut roses. And when that long-stemmed rose flew in front of the screen and imbedded itself into the flesh of some nasty villain, it also embedded itself in our hearts. We will always love you, Tuxedo Mask. Thank you for everything.
Featured image credit: MAPPA
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