‘A card would have sufficed’: Mom’s graduation gift sparks Reddit anger over DIL snub
Reddit, the home of endless family dramas and moral quandaries, never disappoints. The latest “Am I the A**hole?” tale stars a 55-year-old mom questioning if she’s wrong for gifting her son a graduation present while completely overlooking her daughter-in-law, who accomplished the exact same milestone.
This feels selfish
Let’s set the stage. In the Reddit post, OP/Original Poster, a self-described “proud single mom,” raised her son solo and watched him crush it in grad school. Naturally, she wanted to celebrate his achievement with a bit of cash. A thoughtful way to acknowledge his hard work and her pride. Which sounds lovely on the surface. Except for one small detail, OP’s son’s wife (aka the DIL), who also graduated at the same time, was left giftless. No card. No bouquet. Not even a “Congrats, kid!” pat on the back. But alas, OP has an explanation.
She figured her DIL’s own parents would handle the whole gift thing. This thought process just misses the mark for me entirely. DIL was hurt and sent a polite, but firm, text explaining how it felt to be excluded. She didn’t expect the same cash gift as OP’s son but thought she might at least get a nod for her hard work, which in my opinion is just a given. Well, not according to OP, who doubled down and insisted she had no reason to acknowledge DIL’s accomplishment.
The monster in law energy is real
OP’s post started by saying, “I raised my son as a single mother.” No one’s denying that being a single mom is tough. I’m fortunate enough to be raising my child with her other parent in the home, and even that can be tough. Raising children isn’t easy. Major kudos for holding it down and helping your kid succeed! But was this really the time to make it about you?
The post was supposed to be about her son’s graduation, but somehow, it became about her. I simply can’t understand why she couldn’t take a moment to applaud the other grad in the room. This is an amazing accomplishment for anyone. Yet she can’t even fathom why her DIL is hurt. It’s giving me serious monster in law vibes. It feels like OP’s pride in her son overshadowed basic kindness. And here’s the kicker: DIL wasn’t even asking for much. She mentioned only wanting acknowledgment or even a card. I’m over here thinking even a $5 bouquet from Walmart would have been nice. But OP couldn’t be bothered, leaving many, including myself, to wonder if this was more about power dynamics than forgetfulness.
Family dynamics
A big theme in the comments is the idea of “family” and what it actually means. OP’s DIL said she felt overlooked as part of the family. Which I translate to, she wasn’t looking for a cash payout but a simple acknowledgment that she matters. OP seemed to draw a hard line between “my son” and “my son’s wife.”
Here’s the thing, when someone marries into your family, they’re part of the team. You don’t have to be their BFF or knit them a sweater, but showing up for their milestones? That’s basic human decency. A grad gift isn’t just a pat on the back, it’s a way of saying, “I see you. I support you.” OP’s lack of acknowledgment sent the opposite message, whether she meant it or not.
The verdict
The mom here is definitely an a**hole, but It’s not too late for OP to make things right. A sincere apology to her DIL could go a long way. Maybe she could even throw in a belated bouquet or a small gift to smooth things over. The key is recognizing that kindness isn’t a finite resource, you can celebrate your son and your DIL without diminishing either of their achievements. If this is truly an isolated event, I hope OP can fix this relationship and be better moving forward.
Have a tip we should know? tips@themarysue.com
