All live-action ‘Hellboy’ movies, ranked worst to best
From infenal to infernally good.
Hellboy -he’s everyone’s favorite demon. Built like a brick house and ready to dole out the wrath of God. Despite his stellar comic book pedigree, the Hellboy films have been a bit of a mixed bag. Like the the various afterlife locations themselves, there are highs and lows. Which are heavenly? Which belong Hell’s ninth circle? Here they all are, ranked worst best.
4. Hellboy (2019)
LOOK HOW THEY MASSACRED MY BOY. The 2019 Hellboy adaptation deserves to a sojourn back to the fiery pits from whence its lead character came. The film made one good decision. Just one: casting David Harbor as its lead. And then, Hellboy gave itself to a life of cinema sin. The writing sinks more than sulphur and brimstone. Hellboy, known across comicbookdom as a demon whose attitude is equal parts “bad” and “can-do” was reduced to a whiny little demon baby in this film. Hellboy’s juvenile tone is surprising, considering that the film soon devolves into a disgusting orgy of adults-only violence. The movie’s demon-battling climax plays out like a late in the franchise Saw movie, gore for gore’s sake, all set to a rock and roll soundtrack that makes me want to pump my fist… into my face. This movie is played on repeat in the Inferno’s pits, I’m sure.
3. Hellboy: The Crooked Man (2024)
Desperate to put out the infernal dumpsterfire that was the Hellboy of 2019, Dark Horse Comics and Millennium Media decides to take a hard genre U-turn. Hellboy: The Crooked Man eschews the action movie sensibilities of Hellboys past in order to deliver a darker, more sinister tale. The Crooked Man rebooted the franchise a rarely (perhaps never before) seen “superhero horror” film. It’s a damnably smart idea. The problem lies in the execution. The Crooked Man is set in the wilds of Appalachia, where Big Red is sent to investigate a local witch problem. The real problem? The CGI. The film starts with an unfortunate looking digitally made raccoon at its beginning, and only goes downhill from there. The special effects look cheap, surprising considering the how good the original Hellboy holds up from 20 years before. One would think that a film made two decades since the original’s inception would look marginally better, but one would sadly be wrong. Despite special effects stumblings, The Crooked Man tells a solid Hellboy horror story that may just bring my hopes for the franchise back from Purgatory.
2. Hellboy (2004)
The original Hellboy was IT. This origin story hits just as hard as a Tobey McGuire Spiderman flick. On paper, this movie shouldn’t ‘work. A secret Nazi occult group opened a portal to hell and summoned forth a demon child in order to win the war? That demon was raised by a surrogate father for monsters and raised alongside a psychic fish man? Now he’s gotta defeat some immortal Nazis hellbent on releasing Lovecratian horrors into the world while simultaneously falling in love with a troubled pyromaniac? This plot is WACKY. And somehow, due to the raw writing abilities of Guillermo del Toro, it WORKS. The film manages to effortless weave together action, horror, love, and giant tentacle monsters into a dark and glorious blockbuster. As for the cigar chomping Hellboy himself? Ron Perlman knocked it out of the park.
1. Hellboy II: The Golden Army (2008)
Sequels often have a way of getting too big for their britches, toppling under the weight of too many ideas. Hellboy II: The Golden Army, despite its jam-packed story, is not one of those sequels. The plot of The Golden Army might be even whackier than the first. A long-lost-Targaryen-looking-ass nightmare elf hatches a plan to raise an army of magical, mechanical monstrosities to take over the Earth, and Hellboy’s just the right monster to stop them. One would think that the high fantasy trappings of The Golden Army would stretch the limits of 2008’s special effects capabilities, but one would be wrong. The film looks GORGEOUS. The dark winged, many eyed Angel of Death might be one of the most incredible looking movie monsters of the 21st century. As for the action? The film delivers. Hellboy’s heavy handed, heavier caliber pistoled fighting style contrasts beautifully with the deadly sylvan grace of the film’s antagonist. A movie’s only as good as its villain, after all. Prince Nuada is the best in the franchise.
(Featured Image: Ketchup Entertainment)
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