Today In “Please Stop Blaming Women for Men’s Behavior” News: Ariana Grande Shuts It Down

It seems like no matter what a man does, people will find a way to blame his behavior on a woman. Everything from school shootings and serial killers to football players not footballing well enough–it’s just a quick hop and a step to finding a woman to fault.  That’s what some dude was doing when he tweeted about rapper/producer Mac Miller’s recent car crash and DUI. As this guy saw it, Miller’s not to blame for his actions. Nope, this rando blames Ariana Grande for breaking up with him recently.

It’s bad enough to blame Grande’s choice to end a relationship for her ex’s destructive behavior, but the implication here is that Miller somehow earned and deserved Grande’s affection by writing songs about her. That sort of entitlement is dehumanizing and incredibly creepy.

Ariana Grande responded to the tweet directly:

“How absurd that you minimize female self-respect and self-worth by saying someone should stay in a toxic relationship because he wrote an album about them,” she writes, clarifying that really only one song on the album was about her–NOT THAT THAT MATTERS. As she writes, “I am not a babysitter or a mother and no woman should feel that they need to be. I have cared for him and tried to support his sobriety & prayed for his balance for years (and always will of course) but shaming / blaming women for a man’s inability to keep his shit together is a very major problem. Let’s please stop doing that.”

After Grande’s shut down what was happening with total firmness but no scorn or cruelty, the guy replied with an apology.

When it comes to talking on the internet about misogyny, those conversations usually only escalate. It’s heartening to see a man willing to listen to a woman he’s demeaned and respond with such open regret.

In terms of Twitter conversations, this was unusually productive.

(image: Kevin Winter/Getty Images)

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Vivian Kane

Vivian Kane (she/her) is the Senior News Editor at The Mary Sue, where she's been writing about politics and entertainment (and all the ways in which the two overlap) since the dark days of late 2016. Born in San Francisco and radicalized in Los Angeles, she now lives in Kansas City, Missouri, where she gets to put her MFA to use covering the local theatre scene. She is the co-owner of The Pitch, Kansas City’s alt news and culture magazine, alongside her husband, Brock Wilbur, with whom she also shares many cats.

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