The Best ‘Beat ‘Em Up’ Games, Ranked
MOM. I NEED A QUARTER!!
“MOM. I NEED A QUARTER!!!”
How many of you have been around long enough to have uttered that phrase? Going to the arcade, we all had one goal, to get our initials on that screen by playing our favorite beat ’em up game. So I am here to share the GREATEST of all the “beat ’em up” games. And since Dr. Michaels says that I need to share my feelings more—I’m also going to rank them.
10. Cuphead
If you actually THINK for one second you’ll realize that Cuphead is actually a quintessential beat ’em up game. Co-op. Side-scroller. Totally brutal. This game is really hard and has def made me rage quit a few times. But it’s also really cute and well designed so I have to give it credit.
9. River City Girls
River City Girls features adorable girls in perfect outfits who have to use their magical abilities to defeat evil with the power of friendship. That’s basically the whole plot of this game. Plus, its got awesome action and an even awesomer score.
8. X-Men
X-Men is one of the original beat ’em up games. From all the way back in the ’90s when Dad was still in the family. It’s a four-player game that was famous at the arcades for its awesome cast of X-Men characters and its brutal difficulty. You could be Storm, Nightcrawler, Wolverine, or a bunch of other people—and you had to fight Magneto! So cool.
7. The Simpsons
The Simpsons is the perfect franchise for a beat ’em up game. A hilarious cast of characters, random townsfolk to punch, and you get to knock out Mr. Burns’ teeth for stealing baby Maggie! This game was funny, difficult, and accessible as hell.
6. Scott Pilgrim vs. The World
Scott Pilgrim, Ramona Flowers, Kim Pine, or Stephen Stills. No Mom, those aren’t indie band members! Well I mean, they ARE, but they’re not like a REAL band. Scott Pilgrim vs. The World came out alongside the Scott Pilgrim movie, i.e. the greatest movie of my generation. What could be better than punching all of Ramona’s evil exes?
5. Dungeons and Dragons: Chronicles of Mystara
People think that Dungeons and Dragons inspired the modern-day RPG. In reality, it first made its mark on the video game industry in the beat ’em up genre. Dungeons and Dragons: Chronicles of Mystara started off as an arcade game in the early ’90s, and then went to home consoles like Sega Saturn after a couple of years. This game might be the best thing Sega Saturn ever did.
4. Guardian Heroes
Scratch that. Guardian Heroes was the best thing that Sega Saturn ever did. It was a four-player beat ’em up game that featured role-playing elements, but instead of forcing you to play as a stupid elf, you could play as a dope undead guy. This Beat ’em up game let you change to one of three x-axis planes in order to dodge attacks, and was so cool that it was remastered for Xbox.
3. Castle Crashers
If Guardian Heroes helped pioneer the roleplaying meets beat ’em up genre then Castle Crashers perfected it. This game let you play as one of four knights, each with their own weapons and magical abilities. If you keep playing, you can eventually unlock all new knights with all new powers! Since it was created by the same guys who made Alien Hominid, you can even unlock the alien from Alien Hominid!
2. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Turtles In Time
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles was the perfect franchise for a beat ’em up game. Four equally cool characters with equally cool weapons (even if the Rafael’s sais are the coolest) that could be controlled by four players simultaneously. This game let you travel through time and fight classic TMNT enemies in different eras of history!
1. Dragon’s Crown
This game was the best beat ’em up game to ever exist. Dragon’s Crown combined all the coolest elements of beat ’em up games and RPGS, and combined them into a masterpiece. Unlike others, this game’s RPG elements go deep. Plus, the game had beautiful, hand-drawn characters and enemies in a super distinct art style. The best thing about this game is its replayability. There are so many different customizable character classes, and a cornucopia of levels, you and your friends will never play the same game twice! This game took itself so seriously that they released it on PS3 and then REMASTERED IT for PS4!
(featured image: Konami)
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