The 13 Best ‘Ted Lasso’ Quotes to Read When the World Has Made You Feel Weary
Wit and wisdom from the Lasso-verse!
Ted Lasso Season 3 is on its way! One of the best parts of the show is Ted’s endless stream of one-liners, aphorisms, and weirdly accurate observations about the world around him. Here are 13 of our favorite quotes by Ted (and a few other characters, too!), ranked.
13. “Well! If seeing is believing, then I believe we’ve been seen.”
Call me corny, but I just couldn’t resist including this line from the teaser trailer for season 3. In the teaser, Ted and Coach Beard enter Richmond’s locker room to find that every team member has made their own version of the famous “Believe” sign. I can’t wait to have Ted back in my life.
12. “It’s just a group of people who care, Roy. Not unlike folks at a hip-hop concert whose hands are not in the air.”
In Season 2, Roy finds himself reeling from his grief over retiring from football and his anger at finding out that Keeley is sleeping with Jamie again. Despite himself, he goes to Ted, Nate, and Higgins to figure out what to do. He’s appalled that they’ve formed a support group called the Diamond Dogs which involves howling every time they solve someone’s problem, but he can’t deny that they give good advice. You have to wonder how long Ted has had this line in his back pocket, waiting for just the right situation.
11. “I always figured that tea was just gonna taste like hot brown water. And you know what? I was right.”
Ted comes to love a lot of things about his new job and home, but one thing he just can’t get behind is tea. Ted might be a sweetheart, but he’s not afraid to speak his mind about the issues that really matter.
10. “Taking on a challenge is a lot like riding a horse, isn’t it? If you’re comfortable while you’re doing it, you’re probably doing it wrong.”
In the first episode, Ted arrives in London to find himself way out of his league, so to speak. He has no idea how to actually play the sport he’s supposed to be coaching, and what’s worse, the British press already hate his guts. Ted’s ready to rise to the occasion, though.
9. “Old people are so wise. They’re like tall Yodas.”
Not every memorable line comes from Ted himself. The whole cast has its shares of zingers. This line comes from Jamie, who can be a real jerkwad sometimes, but is also capable of a childlike wonder about the world that’s weirdly endearing.
8. “I think that you might be so sure that you’re one in a million, that sometimes you forget that out there you’re just one in 11.”
Part of what makes the plot of Ted Lasso so interesting is his combination of expertise and cluelessness. Even near the end of Season 2, Ted is still learning some very basic things about soccer. Yet, what makes him a great coach is his people skills. He’s able to root out the places where team members aren’t gelling, and explain the problem to them in a way they’ll understand. This line really gets to the heart of his breakthrough with the self-absorbed Jamie. Jamie may be exceptional, but you can’t win at soccer without embracing teamwork.
7. “I don’t drink coffee. My mother always says I was born caffeinated.”
Dani Rojas is the lovable teddy bear of AFC Richmond: he’s cheerful, ebullient, and always brimming with excitement. You can sense a little exasperation in the quote he relays from his mother, but it’s unclear whether Dani himself recognizes how delightfully exhausting he can be.
6. “I’m sort of famous for being almost famous.”
Keeley Jones might be one of the most underrated characters on TV. At first, she seems like a stereotypical football player’s girlfriend: a hot model who’s mainly known for appearing in tabloids. But Keeley soon shows us that there’s depth and complexity to her character. She’s a talented PR specialist who eventually lands her own firm, and she’s a kind, empathetic companion to Rebecca, Roy, and the other characters. In this line, she demonstrates a lot of self-awareness about why she’s so well-known.
5. “Boy, I love meeting people’s moms. It’s like reading an instruction manual as to why they’re nuts.”
The best Ted Lasso lines are the ones that aren’t just laugh-out-loud funny—they’re really, deeply true. The show isn’t shy about hauling in the characters’ families so that we can get a good look at what makes them tick.
4. “Football is life!”
This is one of the show’s most beloved Dani-isms. On one level, it’s just an expression of how much Dani loves football. On another, it’s a metaphor for the show itself, with all the relationships and drama that revolve around the sport.
3. “We’re talking about practice with your team, with your teammates. The only place that we get to play together, we got control over. The rest of the time it’s us 11 against those 11.”
In Season 1, Jamie refuses to go practice with the rest of the team, claiming that he’s hurt. Everyone knows, though, that he’s really just nursing his wounded ego, upset because Ted isn’t giving him the preferential treatment he thinks he deserves. Ted calls him out on it and then punishes him by making him go set up the cones for the rest of the team.
This speech is one of the best moments in Season 1. First off, it’s the first time Ted really gets mad. Ted is so gentle and sweet-natured that his ability to be harsh and lose his temper comes as a shock. It’s unsettling, but it also reveals another layer of his character.
The speech is also a riff on the infamous rant by NBA Hall of Famer Allen Iverson, in which he defended missing one practice because he played the game so well. In Ted’s version—which Jason Sudeikis added to the script just before filming began—he manages to point out how crucial practice really is.
2. “Guys have underestimated me my entire life. And for years, I never understood why. It used to really bother me. But then one day, I was driving my little boy to school, and I saw this quote by Walt Whitman, and it was painted on the wall there. It said, ‘Be curious, not judgmental.’ I like that.”
After Rebecca’s ex-husband Rupert weasels his way back into the AFC Richmond owner’s box, Ted challenges him to a game of darts. Ted fools Rupert into thinking that he’s never played darts before, only to reveal at the very end of the game that he’s an expert—and Rupert would have known that if he’d been curious about Ted instead of snobby and judgmental. While reciting this speech, Ted wins the game, putting Rupert in his place.
1. “You know what the happiest animal on Earth is? It’s a goldfish. You know why? It’s got a 10-second memory. Be a goldfish, Sam.”
This line isn’t just a moment of good coaching. It comes back again and again throughout the series, as Richmond faces exhilarating wins and heartbreaking defeats. But spurred by Ted’s unshakable optimism and bottomless compassion, they’re able to keep going through it all.
We’ll keep updating this list as season 3 goes on, so check back! In the meantime, what’s your favorite Ted Lasso quote? Let us know in the comments!
(featured image: Apple TV+)
Have a tip we should know? tips@themarysue.com
