The Mountain DEW Garita Is the Official Cocktail of 2020

Are you thirsty for both dizzying highs of alcohol and plummeting lows of a sugar crash? Do you miss the sweet ass vibes of a Sum 41 concert paired with a BMX bike race in your veins? Well hold onto your frosted tips, because Red Lobster is here with the summer cocktail of your nightmares late 90s/early 2000s dreams.

Behold: the DEW Garita!

The cocktail, which is presumably a margarita with Mountain Dew as a mixer, is basically 2020 in cocktail form. No one asked for it, no one needs it, but here it is anyway, to haunt our collective palates. The recipe is a mystery, and what’s that red stuff lining the rim? Chili salt? Tamarindo? The mind boggles.

Senior Vice President and Chief Supply Chain Officer at Red Lobster Nelson Griffin released a statement on the drink, saying, “Red Lobster is thrilled to work with PepsiCo, not only because it has a great portfolio of brands, but specifically because of the food and beverage innovation possibilities … The DEW Garita is the first delicious taste of the types of inspired menu items to come.”

Red Lobster recommends pairing the DEW Garita with their signature cheddar bay biscuits. By the looks of it, you’ll most likely be pairing the cocktail with instant regret and diarrhea. Look, I shouldn’t talk: at my wedding I served Moscow Mules made with Ecto-Cooler and called them Moscow Zuuls. So clearly I enjoy a novelty cocktail. But there’s a time and a place, Red Lobster.

Naturally, the DEW Garita has captured the imagination of the internet, with many people sharing their thoughts on the new cocktail. Here are some of our favorite responses:

In the end, is there anything more American than a DEW Garita? It’s loud, obnoxious, and will probably kill you. Drink up, America!

(via Delish, image: Red Lobster)

Want more stories like this? Become a subscriber and support the site!

—The Mary Sue has a strict comment policy that forbids, but is not limited to, personal insults toward anyone, hate speech, and trolling.—

Have a tip we should know? tips@themarysue.com

Author

Close

Chelsea Steiner

Chelsea was born and raised in New Orleans, which explains her affinity for cheesy grits and Britney Spears. An pop culture journalist since 2012, her work has appeared on Autostraddle, AfterEllen, and more. Her beats include queer popular culture, film, television, republican clownery, and the unwavering belief that 'The Long Kiss Goodnight' is the greatest movie ever made. She currently resides in sunny Los Angeles, with her husband, 2 sons, and one poorly behaved rescue dog. She is a former roller derby girl and a black belt in Judo, so she is not to be trifled with. She loves the word “Jewess” and wishes more people used it to describe her.

twitter