‘Explosive diarrhea’: Stephen Colbert has the perfect metaphor for the Trump presidency
TV host Stephen Colbert is just as depressed about the US election results as we are. On Wednesday, November 6, Colbert delivered an impressive and at times even funny speech about the unpleasant situation America has found itself in on The Late Show.
“If you watch this show regularly, I’m guessing you’re not doing great,” he told the audience. “Yeah, me neither. Today, some people said to me, ‘Sorry you have to do a show tonight,’ which is nice of them to say but I don’t have to do a show. I get to do a show tonight.”
He then stated his gratitude for the “talented people” around him and everyone in the audience and told them there would still be jokes in the upcoming show. They were sorely needed. “And I’ll let you in on a little secret,” he said. “No one gets into this business because everything in their life worked out great, so we’re built for rough roads.” And rough roads are, unfortunately, what lies ahead. Reproductive rights, LGBTQ+ rights—so many different rights are threatened under Trump.
After that speech, Colbert showed the cold open, a montage of different countries reacting to the upcoming Trump presidency. For example, Italy was a clip of Super Mario throwing up his hands and going “Mamma Mia.” Very relatable to those of us outside the US and speaking as a Brit, we’re so sorry.
That montage ended with a clip of Russian soldiers dancing, which needs no explanation, and then we were into the monologue. Perhaps unsurprisingly, it began with swearing.
“Well, f***. It happened. Again,” Colbert said. “After a bizarre and vicious campaign fueled by a desperate need not to go to jail, Donald Trump has won the 2024 election.”
He also referenced January 6, 2021, saying, “The deep shock and sense of loss is enormous, okay. But let’s look at the bright side. This way, at least there’ll be a peaceful transfer of power. Mike Pence, olly-olly-oxen-free!”
Colbert then made a statement many Americans will feel like a punch to the gut: “All day yesterday I was walking around proudly wearing my ‘I Voted’ sticker. Today, I wore my ‘I am questioning my fundamental belief in the good of humanity’ sticker.”
He shot off a metaphor that summed the whole situation up perfectly. “As a late-night host, people often say to me, ‘Come on, part of you has got to want Trump to win because he gives you so much material to work with,’” he said. “No. No. No one tells the guy who cleans the bathroom ‘Wow, you must love it when someone has explosive diarrhea. There’s so much material for you to work with!’”
We’ll be seeing so much more of that explosive diarrhea over the next four years, even outside America. Last time, Trump’s hatred and incompetence oozed into other countries too. All we can hope for now is that people step up and frantically begin cleaning the metaphorical bathroom.
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