Dear Trump, We’d Like to Submit The Mary Sue for Your Consideration for Those Pointless Fake Media Awards

In case you missed it (and for the sake of your own mental health, I hope you did), Trump has decided to follow up his lengthy golf vacation with an impromptu celebration of the media. Well, a Trumpian sort of celebration. Which is to say, terrible and a threat to the basic tenets of our democracy.

Back in November, Trump tweeted, “We should have a contest as to which of the Networks, plus CNN and not including Fox, is the most dishonest, corrupt and/or distorted in its political coverage of your favorite President (me). They are all bad. Winner to receive the FAKE NEWS TROPHY!”

Then, last month, an email went out to Trump supporters with a survey, asking them to weigh in.

https://twitter.com/SopanDeb/status/946414682759417858

The poll allowed people to rank specific stories from ABC, CNN, and TIME on the ultra-scientific scale of “Fake” to “Fakest” news.

https://twitter.com/SopanDeb/status/946415406520127489

That may have seemed like a ridiculous waste of time. And, obviously, it is. But it’s not over yet. Trump announced this week that he’s following through on the survey and hosting some sort of sad awards ceremony.

It’s not clear if this ceremony is taking place on Twitter, in person in the White House, or maybe via live stream with Trump in a tuxedo, reporting from a sad, empty room. As you might imagine, the press themselves had some questions, but all Sarah Huckabee Sanders was willing to tell them during Wednesday’s briefing was that she would “keep [them] posted.” The White House Press Corps doesn’t even know if they’re supposed to attend this possibly real, definitely pointless event. Sanders just told them, “It might be hard for him to present trophies if you guys aren’t there but, I don’t know, we’ll have to wait and see what happens on Monday.”

Presuming this is a real event, with real trophies, allowing Trump to call out the “dishonest & corrupt media” he so clearly wants to abolish, I’m hoping he’s open to suggestions beyond those original three.

I’m not sure what the official channel for these things is, so consider this your official For Your Consideration submission of The Mary Sue as one of Trump’s Bad Fake Evil News candidates.

Sure, we’re a relatively small outlet, but we’ve got some great qualifications:

• We’re mostly women. We don’t even try to hide it or anything.
• We’re really super into your official banned words: “diversity,” “fetus,” “transgender,” “vulnerable,” “entitlement,” “science-based” and “evidence-based.” We’re all about evidence-based science diversity. We feel entitled to it. Especially when writing about vulnerable transgender fetuses.
• We’re big fans of the First Amendment. We know that of all the amendments to the Constitution, that’s the one you’re least thrilled about, but man, we love it. The 15th and 19th are pretty great, too.
• Did I mention we’re women? We write about lady things all the times. Race, disability, and LGBTQIA issues, too. We’re filled to the brim with “identity politics” around here. We even say “happy holidays” sometimes.
• *whispers* Obama’s inauguration was bigger.

Now, we know we’ve got some pretty tough competition. Stephen Colbert has started his own FYC campaign.

Others have joined in, too.

Still, it would be an honor just to be nominated. Plus, this is shaping up to be one hell of a fake event.

(image: Shutterstock)

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Vivian Kane

Vivian Kane (she/her) is the Senior News Editor at The Mary Sue, where she's been writing about politics and entertainment (and all the ways in which the two overlap) since the dark days of late 2016. Born in San Francisco and radicalized in Los Angeles, she now lives in Kansas City, Missouri, where she gets to put her MFA to use covering the local theatre scene. She is the co-owner of The Pitch, Kansas City’s alt news and culture magazine, alongside her husband, Brock Wilbur, with whom she also shares many cats.

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