We’re Here for the Nerdiest Takes on the “He’s Not Your Man” Meme
Sometimes Twitter can be unexpectedly delightful.
Meme culture can often be like a game of telephone. Someone somewhere posts an earnest thought or message, and that message gets distorted and appropriated with hilarious results. Part of the fun of memes is seeing just how wildly they spin out of control, to the point where nearly everyone has a hot take on the meme du jour.
Twitter is currently awash with the “he’s not your man” meme, based on a dating advice tweet that lists bad attributes before declaring that said attributes make the man who’s described not worthy of your time. People quickly jumped on the trend and went wild with the framework, leading to some hilarious (and surprisingly educational) posts.
I know we’ve still got a little over a month left of 2018, but I would like to humbly submit “he’s not your man” for meme of the year. I mean, look at the range of this thing:
“He’s not your man” Literature Edition:
Ladies, if he:
– sends you risky/filthy dms
– writes stuff that makes no fucking sense
– wears fuckboy round specs
– wanders the streets of Dublin by nightHe’s not your man. He’s Irish avant-garde novelist James Joyce
— Belphoebe (@ragsoflove) November 23, 2018
Ladies if he:
-has too many pets
-wants to do anal
-is suspiciously close with his half sister
-once brought a tame bear with him to uni because they wouldn’t let him take his dogHe’s not your man. He’s poet and famous lothario Lord Byron
— Poppy (@0pxj0) November 24, 2018
Ladies if he:
– Takes a sudden interest in your younger sister
– Joins the militia just for the uniform so he can fuckboi around town
-Talks shit about everyone to you
– Keeps trying to get you on a vacay to Gretna GreenHe’s not your man. He’s Jane Austen’s George Wickham. -R
— Drunk Austen (@Drunk_Austen) November 24, 2018
Ladies, if he
-tries to make you jealous
-is rude when he first meets you
-tries to trick you into telling him how you feel about him
-keeps secrets about his past relationships
-has a mad wife in the atticHe’s not your man. He’s Edward Rochester of Thornfield Hall.
— Haley Stewart (@HaleyCarrots) November 25, 2018
ladies, if he:
-doesn’t text back
-pretends to be your dead father’s angel
-appears in your mirror
-takes you to his underground lair
-kills two innocent men for youhe’s not your man, he’s the phantom of the opera
— (@quietdestler) November 25, 2018
Ladies, if he:
-is sometimes inconsistent
-speaks in formulaic phrases
-repeats the same stock scene over and over again
-can’t commit to a Greek dialectHe’s not your man, he is a collected tradition of poetry composed during performance by itinerant bards #Homer #OralTheory
— David J. Wright (@rmavirumquecano) November 24, 2018
“He’s not your man” Historical Figures:
Ladies, if he:
-only responds if u text in emojis
-doesn’t care about your single wife policy
-refuses to wear anything but fine linens
-is a staunch polytheist
-claims victory at Kadesh when it was a tieHe’s not your man. He’s Egypt’s greatest king from Dyn 19, Ramesses II
— Sarah Parcak (@indyfromspace) November 23, 2018
Ladies, if he:
-keeps your relationship a secret
-likes other girls selfies on insta
-refuses to shave
-wants the working class to control the means of production
-published “The Communist Manifesto” and “Das Kapital”He’s not your man. He’s 19th century philosopher Karl Marx pic.twitter.com/U9OtT9i6at
— Karl Grossman (@KarlGrossman1) November 23, 2018
Ladies, if he:
-responds late to your texts
-favs you, but never RTs
-has 8 children with another woman
-makes the most accurate planetary observations of his era
-dies of an exploding bladderHe’s not your man. He’s Danish astronomer and nobleman Tycho Brahe.
— Amos Posner (@AmosPosner) November 24, 2018
Ladies, if he:
– only responds after you double text
– doesn’t care about your snap streak
– refuses to shave
– is a staunch abolitionist
– returns to Ohio after serving only one termHe’s not your man. He’s 19th president Rutherford B Hayes
— Kyle (@KylePlantEmoji) November 22, 2018
Ladies, if he:
– doesn’t answer your texts
– never watches your insta story
– is supposedly appointed by God
– entirely made up and circulated during the reofrmation as Protestant propaganda to cast shade on the Holy Throne of St Peter.He is not your man. She is Pope Joan.
— Sara Öberg Strådal (@tinyredbook) November 24, 2018
“He’s not your man” Film and Television:
ladies, if he:
– never lets you see him
– keeps a barrier between you
– offers common sense disguised as sage advice
– always wears a fishing hat
– lives next to tim the tool man taylorhe’s not your man. he’s wilson from home improvement.
— Anne T. Donahue (@annetdonahue) November 25, 2018
ladies, if he:
– doesn’t text back
– has a daughter he never sees
-has a white streak in his hair
– owns a set of silver straight razors
– is intent on getting revenge on the corrupt judge who ruined his lifehe’s not your man. he’s Sweeney Todd the demon barber of Fleet Street
— Addison Peacock (@Addison_Peacock) November 25, 2018
Ladies, if he:
– has snow white hair
– glowing green eyes
– could walk through walls, disappear and fly
– was much more unique then the other guys
– is here to fight for me and youHe’s not your man. He’s Danny Phantom.
— Single Dad (@singledadissad) November 23, 2018
Ladies, if he:
– is super skinny
– is obsessed with jewelry
– only wants to go out at night
– is always talking to himself
– murdered his cousin over something littleHe’s not your man. He’s a Gollum.
— Tea with Tolkien (@TeawithTolkien) November 24, 2018
“He’s not your man” Things Edition:
Ladies, if he:
– only wants to hang out when he’s drunk
– never brings you around his friends
– fingers on his head
– no legs or feet
– always trying to sell you pastaHe’s not your man. He’s the hamburger helper glove
— Cat Damon (@CornOnTheGoblin) November 24, 2018
Ladies, if he:
– ignores text messages
– doesn’t like your tweets
– is always cold
– rarely opens up to you
– never leaves the house
– makes weird humming sounds at nightHe’s not your man. He’s a refrigerator.
— The Daily Wire (@realDailyWire) November 24, 2018
Ladies, if he:
– only calls when it suits himself
– doesn’t care about your needs
– might silently kill you by asphyxiation
– has an IR stretch around 2143 cm-1
– makes a great ligand for transition metal complexesHe’s not your man. He’s carbon monoxide. https://t.co/AkagjgCEhF
— Craig ‘not Creg’ Fraser (@ChemistCraig) November 23, 2018
Ladies, if he
– leaves you on read
– doesn’t make time for you
– has 16 color-receptive cones
– can strike with the same speed as a .22 caliber bullet
– is native to the Indian and Pacific OceansHe’s not your man. He’s a peacock mantis shrimp.
— Kay Maggie (@sweetbbybrother) November 24, 2018
Ladies, if he
– lets you stare at him all day
– keeps your schedule organized
– accompanies you to the bathroomhe’s your phone
— Samantha Ruddy (@samlymatters) November 25, 2018
ladies, if he…
– threatens you with constant messages
– always wondering where you are
– blames you for not making him happy enough
– judges the way you speak
– makes your undying love into a game for himHe’s not your man, he’s Duo, the duolingo owl
— alison (@alisonguzzetti) November 24, 2018
ladies, if he:
– never texts you back
– always is kinda gross
– makes you feel ill
– thinks he’s worth more than he is
– looks like someone sat on him.he’s not your man. he’s a hamburger from McDonald’s.
— Eden Dranger (@Eden_Eats) November 24, 2018
Ladies, if he:
– never responds to your texts
– has never watched your insta story
– doesn’t have a backbone
– only lights up after dark
– is endemic to the Hawaiian archipelagoHe’s not your man. He’s a Hawaiian bobtail squid.
— Sarah McAnulty (@SarahMackAttack) November 23, 2018
Ladies, if he: doesn’t respond to texts, makes obscure jokes about literature, references Clippy the Microsoft Paper Clip, and makes me laugh uncontrollably, he’s not your man. He’s my favorite meme this year.
What’s your favorite take on the “he’s not your man” meme? And if this isn’t your meme of the year, what is?
(image: Shutterstock)
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