Hoist Your Nerd Colors, Ladies: How I Learned to Take Pride in My Nerdiness

2014 and 2015 were pretty good years for me as a female nerd. In 2014, I discovered the community site Black Girl Nerds and became a guest blogger with the help of the site’s founder, Jamie Broadnax. The following year, I became a regular contributor. Meanwhile, Gamergate happened in 2014 and fantasy and sci-fi writers had to deal with the Sad Puppies in 2015. 

As a black girl nerd who enjoys video games from time to time and loves fantasy fiction and sci-fi, I couldn’t help being annoyed at these events. At the same time, I found it interesting that these things were happening when marginalized voices in the nerd community were coming together and getting noticed by the general public.

Thinking about it, I am reminded of sci-fi author Samuel Delaney’s essay on racism in science fiction. In a nutshell, he said that as long as there were only a few sci-fi fantasy writers of color, racism wouldn’t be much of a threat.  However, as the number of SFF writers of color increase, so does the threat of racism. Delaney’s prophetic words apply not only to the Hugo Awards controversy, but also to Gamergate, “fake geek girl” policing, and other things. The more female gamers and nerds there are, the more sexism will push back in stuff like the photo below.

With all this negativity against female nerds that has been going on, I wouldn’t blame any girl or woman if they didn’t want to call themselves a nerd. Some may even take it further and stifle their nerdy personalities or interests. However, if doing either of these things makes you unhappy, then it isn’t worth it. I know from experience.

In middle school, I tried to stifle my nerdy personality by becoming a BET watching, mainstream rap and R&B girl. After all, with the exception of Steve Urkel (aka the fictional character I hate the most), black people aren’t supposed to be nerds. Even if you were nerdy like Steve Urkel, you had to be hot like Steve Urkel’s alter-ego Stefan or be funny if you wanted to survive as a nerd.

When I tried to stifle my nerdiness, I felt like a robot. I couldn’t feel any genuine emotions other than disgust. I was disgusted at myself for being fake and disgusted at the media I was forcing myself to consume. Nothing related to me, and by the time I started high school, I was sick of it. In 9th grade, I befriended a nerdy Hispanic girl who introduced me to alternative rock and reintroduced me to my nerdy self. 

While finding a nerdy girl of color who shared my interests made me happy, I couldn’t take pride in my own nerdiness. You’d think my friend’s pride in who she was would rub off on me, but it didn’t. I felt like people like me and her were rare. I also still felt that it was wrong to be nerdy because I was black. In order to compensate for my insecurities and keep the other black kids who bullied me at bay, I tried to be funny in the class I got bullied the most. Sometimes, it worked and sometimes it didn’t.

It wasn’t until I discovered Black Girl Nerds that I learned that it was okay to be a black nerd and that I wasn’t a unicorn. There was an entire community of black nerds (i.e. blerds) online and the more I interacted with them and wrote for Black Girl Nerds, the higher my blerd flag was raised.  As a result, I feel that even though female nerds may be met sexism, racism, and other forms of discrimination, having more female nerds proclaiming themselves nerds, gamers, etc. results in more good than harm.

By hoisting their nerd colors high, female nerds show female nerds in hiding that they aren’t alone and that it’s okay to have nerdy interests even if they don’t call themselves nerds. This is especially important when media like the film Pixels or articles like the recent Variety article on Wonder Woman make it seem like female nerds are non-existent or just showed up out of nowhere. 

Ladies, now you will listen to me! Listen! The female nerds and geek girls will still be looking at us to lead! And what will they see? Frightened bilge rats aboard derelict fandoms? No! No, they will see free women! And freedom! And what the haters will see is the glow of our sonic screwdrivers, the sparks of our wands! They will hear the screams of our fangirling and they will know our passion! By the dedication of our fanart and cosplaying, the strength of our social media posts, and the courage of our existence! Ladies, hoist your nerd colors!

Latonya Pennington is a contributing writer for Black Girl Nerds and Afropunk. In the past, she has also done pieces for Atlanta Blackstar, For Harriet, and Buzzfeed. She lives somewhere in the southern United States and spends way too much time listening to music, watching shows online, and reading. Find her on Twitter.

—Please make note of The Mary Sue’s general comment policy.—

Do you follow The Mary Sue on Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr, Pinterest, & Google +?