Things We Saw Today: I Have Conclusive Evidence the Giant Yard Skeleton Is Here To Stay

Since moving into a house for the first time as an adult, I gotta say I #$%^ing hate lawns. Even without an HOA to breathe down my neck (which thankfully is only something I’ve read about), they are terrible to deal with, even worse for the environment (monoculture aside), the industry around it is filled with exploitation, and they just shouldn’t be as common as they are in the U.S. I could write thousands of words expanding on why I hate having a lawn, but there is a sole (albeit frivolous) thing in the “pro” column. That, of course, is Halloween.

Halloween decorations are the best part of having a yard, and that’s like 5-6 weeks a year of use if you’re passionate about it. The recent phenomenon of giant skeletons has made the holiday better and had me scouring many stores the week after Halloween in search of a discounted mega-skeleton. These usually retail for $200-400 dollars. They are so hot right now that someone was caught stealing out of someone’s yard in broad daylight this year near San Antonio. I figured I could get one on sale for next year because why would stores keep such a large stock? That didn’t happen, and it might never happen because there’s already a wild citing of a 12-foot skeleton in use for turkey day.

This is the silliest and best non-Halloween use I have seen for these giants ever. I low-key expected to come across a skeleton Santa Claus online or off eventually, but never in a million years did I expect this. They don’t even try to hide that it’s a skeleton dressed up as a turkey, rather than using the structure as support for a giant turkey. The website kind of crops the image, but the cloth on the bottom spreads out like duck flippers in the best way. With late September (when Halloween decor goes up) and late January (when most Christmassy decorations come down) on lock for this bad skelli-bois, that’s already one-third of the year, and thus, they are here to stay.

(via Twitter, featured image: Lucasfilm Games)

Here are some other bits of news out there:

• Kristen Stewart’s feature-length directorial debut is an adaptation of The Chronology Of Water. (via Deadline)
• Ticketmaster’s monopoly gets renewed scrutiny ahead of Taylor Swift’s Era Tour. (via Pajiba)
• Gabrielle Union and Eva Longoria to star in a movie about warring in-laws to their queer, engaged children. (via Variety)
• Winston Duke seems to be at a loss for words after seeing one of Bossip‘s iconic headlines —this time about him. (via Twitter, Bossip)
• The Nation Association of Black Journalists LGBTQ+ Task Force opens a reporting scholarship in honor of recently passed Texas Black trans blogger Monica Roberts. (via NABJ Twitter)

What did you see online today, Mary Suevians?

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Alyssa Shotwell

(she/her) Award-winning artist and writer with professional experience and education in graphic design, art history, and museum studies. She began her career in journalism in October 2017 when she joined her student newspaper as the Online Editor. This resident of the yeeHaw land spends most of her time drawing, reading and playing the same handful of video games—even as the playtime on Steam reaches the quadruple digits. Currently playing: Baldur's Gate 3 & Oxygen Not Included.

twitter Link to alyssashotwell.myportfolio.com