Members of Congress Are Literally Searching for GOP’s Missing Affordable Care Act Replacement

Despite the Republican Party being in control of the House of Representatives since 2010, due to Affordable Care Act blowback, they have yet to produce a single, reasonable plan to replace the law without bringing back all the problems the original law solved. However, that metaphorical search for the perfect ACA replacement has now turned into an actual one—members of congress are literally searching for the GOP bill.

For some reason—probably that it’s terrible, and the GOP wants to delay the fallout as long as possible before they try to ram it through Congress quicker than public opinion can stop it—it’s being kept as a huge secret, rather than Republicans shouting the virtues of their perfect ACA replacement from the hilltops and receiving praise from their constituents. Spoiler: people like getting treated when they’re sick or injured, and we’d all be pretty stoked if the GOP plan actually fixed healthcare and wasn’t the legislative equivalent of a bunch of angry bees.

Like this, but with more “free market” platitudes. (via Warner Bros.)

Honestly, the world is short some bees right now, so a plan full of bees might actually be better than whatever the GOP cooks up. Anyway, people have been trying to find the plan, like Senator Rand Paul (a Republican), who was denied entry to its top-secret location:

By the way, by “demand a copy,” he meant, “I am bringing my own goddam printer/copier, so no excuses“:

Paul was not the only one who tried to enter the room, H-157, but others were actually successful and still could not locate the GOP healthcare bill in what has to be the most obvious metaphor in the Universe:

The jokes … they write themselves:

Vox has an even more involved rundown on who’s tried to locate the bill, and no one has been successful so far. Honestly, it’d probably be better if they just never find it.

(featured image via Evan El-Amin / Shutterstock.com)

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Dan Van Winkle

Dan Van Winkle (he) is an editor and manager who has been working in digital media since 2013, first at now-defunct Geekosystem (RIP), and then at The Mary Sue starting in 2014, specializing in gaming, science, and technology. Outside of his professional experience, he has been active in video game modding and development as a hobby for many years. He lives in North Carolina with Lisa Brown (his wife) and Liz Lemon (their dog), both of whom are the best, and you will regret challenging him at Smash Bros.

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