I Would Simply Leave the Planet if I Got Bodied by Lake Superior Over Abortion Rights

As we all continue to try and navigate the waves of the dreadful overturning of Roe v. Wade, someone splashed around and found out by coming for … Lake Superior? Several people, companies, brands, and lakes, apparently, have spoken about how harmful the Supreme Court’s decision is, but with that comes the folks who are, unfortunately, championing the loss of abortion rights. I was today years old when I found out that Lake Superior stood with my right to choose, and I was today years old when I found out how savage a body of water could be.

Have you ever seen a man drown on social media?

On June 24th, the day of the ruling, a surprising ally brushed across the shore when Lake Superior tweeted the following:

As to be expected, other folks chimed in to call out other bodies of water to weigh in on the situation. Lake Erie and Lake Ontario came together to wash supportive waters over all of us.

The only thing I would add to this is that it’s not just women who are affected by what’s going on with Roe v. Wade, but beyond that, keep sailing through, you majestic lakes. But it’s not just the water that’s furious about Roe v. Wade. The land itself is shaking with fury.

For some reason, someone decided to approach Lake Superior with hostility. Like, who in the world would pick a fight with water? Tom Fitton of Judicial Watch would, apparently, as he retweeted Lake Superior and made a snide comment about how “water is wet and abortion kills a human being.” But oh, the sea (sorry, lake) was vicious, friends. As captured by author and editor Eric Nelson in a viral tweet, Miss Superior had time for Fitton.

“Thomas, not even your first talking point is correct,” says Miss Superior. “Water is not wet, what water touches is wet.” I expected it to end there, but no, the lake had one more thing to send out into the water. “I’m confident I have a lot more experience in making things wet than you do.”

I would simply vanish into thin air if I got told off by a lake. I would have nothing left to contribute to society. Fitton, of course, has decided to double down.

It’s cool, Miss Superior has moved on.

(Featured image: 20th Television/Twitter screencap)

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Briana Lawrence

Briana (she/her - bisexual) is trying her best to cosplay as a responsible adult. Her writing tends to focus on the importance of representation, whether it’s through her multiple book series or the pieces she writes. After de-transforming from her magical girl state, she indulges in an ever-growing pile of manga, marathons too much anime, and dedicates an embarrassing amount of time to her Animal Crossing pumpkin patch (it's Halloween forever, deal with it Nook)

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