Late to the Game: A First-Timer Plays Deadpool And Is Not Amused

Welcome to Late to the Game, where Sarah Ingram of The Geekmates reviews games that she’s shamefully left unplayed up to this point. It’s like newbie recaps, but not. Scroll to the bottom for a few options as to what you can peer pressure Sarah into playing next.

With this newest Late to the Game entry, I played a game that’s a little more out of my wheelhouse. I typically lean towards RPG’s, JRPG’s, strategy things, puzzlers, and action/adventure games that have at least some semblance of a story. I’ll play shooters here and there, too, if my online friendships are into it.

One thing I don’t usually play, however, are the straight-up action games. The genre doesn’t usually appear to me, but a while ago I bought Deadpool because a) I really do like Deadpool as gross as he is and b) it was being pulled from shelves because Disney had just acquired Marvel (and I really doubt this game fits into their family friendly image.)

The premise of the game is pretty simple: it’s a game about Deadpool wanting to make a video game. Because of course it couldn’t be anything but. You start off in his apartment with the typical banter you get between Deadpool, Wayne, and the writer. They’re talking about gameplay, and budgets, and how super cool and rich and famous they will be with tons of boobs ladies to objectify hang out with. But – OH NO! – someone is trying to spend your budget so we need to go have a talk with them and shoot them a whole bunch probably so we get the best game ever.

The fourth wall is broken pretty much right away. Nolan North is the voice of Deadpool, and honestly it’s kinda funny to hear – he sounds like himself/Nathan Drake a little, and so to hear him say swears was very out of character. It’s typical Deadpool: he is crude and obnoxious right away, talking about poo and talking to the voices in his head. I ended up having two trophies pop right off the bat – “the first one is free” and “so is the second one” which had me giggling a little bit already.

You start in the apartment where there’s a bunch of stuff to mess around with, including playing air guitar, having a nap, and pretty raunchy things, like having him take a dump.

Seriously.

After you’re done dicking around (HA), the script arrives. Deadpool is not impressed with what he sees, makes some serious changes and then for some reason needs to leave and we are in the sewers. AKA the combat tutorial.

Combat is a mix between melee combos (or button mashing for the vast majority of us) and gun shooting. There are coins to collect all around the levels that help you upgrade your items. All the upgrades are boring though, so I don’t really care too much, and I pretty much just spam triangle and square to kill dudes.

Deadpool is pretty much “on” all the time. He sings. He dances. He makes fun of you when you miss, and reminds you to upgrade in “down moments”. At one point when I was out of ammo he taunted “well we would have this problem if you didn’t miss a zillion times.” Thanks dude.

I have now found myself in an 8-bit level (which is a total Legend Of Zelda rip) because they ran out of money due to all the explosions. The entire game is literally just the banter between Deadpool, the voices in his head, and the writer/producer of his game. It’s really weird.

What the hell am I playing.

The boss fight with the bad chick (whose name I have no idea of) is pretty irritating. He keeps calling her hot tits, and talking about giving her his “pole” – although to be fair, he says the same things to dudes because, well, it’s Deadpool. I didn’t go into this expecting political correctness, but it’s honestly beginning to give me more eyerolls than I can handle. I have facial strain. It’s brutal.

The banter got pretty old pretty quick, especially the shit that goes on during combat. The first 10-15 “would it kill you to do a better job killing them?” were funny, but the next three or four dozen times – not so much. I’m starting to get irritated. This is no Dragon Age: Inquisition banter, let me tell you.

Next we’re off to Genosha, with Psylocke, Wolverine, and Rogue, to do whatever it is were supposed to be doing. Honestly already I’ve lost track, between Deadpool talking to me, the voices talking to each other, and him talking to the voices… I’m lost. Also I don’t care.

(Sidenote: I keep hitting L3 to look for loot, because Dragon Age: Inquisition has become my life.)

Every boss fight is the exact same. Wash, rinse, repeat. Even the combat. Godddddddd.

So apparently the bad guy, Sinister, who killed the bad guy that made our game contract, is the bad guy we wanna get revenge on, so we head to the tower after spinning the wheel of insanity. I now have to climb to the penthouse so that I can get the dude who thinks I’m spending too much money or whatever.

WHO CARESSSSSSS NOT MEEEEEE

OH LORD, then there’s jumping puzzles. I. HATE. Jumping puzzles. I eventually get to the top, and Sinister is stuck or trapped but monologuing anyway, and of course we screw around with the buttons à la a painful Bop It. This also kinda reminds me of that Simpsons episode where they all shock each other, but with prettier lights.

Rogue shows up and is instantly kidnapped by Blockbuster. Also, Deadpool’s head is backwards, so now the controls are too! That was actually kinda funny.

Have I said the combat sucks lately? Because it’s really awful. The weapons upgrade system is not nearly as interesting or satisfying as in other games, and the attacks are “supposed” to be combos, but I’m just mashing triangle exclusively and doing just fine. There is literally no point in pouring coins into new combo upgrades because I could never figure them out anyways. It’s also irritating to use guns because the enemies move too fast or have shields you have to melee break, and then I have to listen to Deadpool tell me how shitty my aim is.

We found a strip club because of course we did and Rogue is in the VIP. We fought a mini boss, which was literally nothing. You know they game is unbalanced when trash mobs wipe you more times than a boss. It’s just. Not. Good.

Another wonderful jumping puzzle and at this point I honestly rage quit several times. It’s not that the game is hard – it’s that the mechanics are so bad that it’s impossible to jump and predict the distance or the landing. Not only that, but the checkpoints are so few and far between that you end up doing the same stupid shit over and over again.

And then, I came across a part where you had to be stealthy and I restarted about a kajillion times and…

It was at this point that I decided to quit.

I know. I know. Quitting is bad. But I realized something in between red flashing before my eyes and trying really hard to not snap my controller in half. As much as I should finish it, it’s not always worth it.

The main reason that I first wanted to write the Late To The Game column was because I have the grossest backlog and I needed some motivation to get through all these games that I spent money on but never played. One of my worst gaming qualities is the compulsion to finish everything, which just ends in my playing a game for way too long that I’m just not into. And so I decided that if I really hate Deadpool that much, and if it makes me that angry to play, then I should just let it go, cross it off the list, and move on.

Hopefully to something better.

So please help me get the horrible taste of this crap out of my mouth. WHICH ONE?!

1. Uncharted 1 (stop saying 2 I have to start at the beginning)
2. Asura’s Wrath
3. Wolfenstien: The New Order
4. Pikmin 3
5. Sherlock Holmes: Crimes and Punishments

(Sidenote: YES Skyrim is still coming for a couple posts ago BUT I really have to finish Dragon Age: Inquisition first. Plus I have more Cullen kissing to do.)

[Editor’s note: If you spoil her on Dragon Age: Inquisition in the comments, I will ban you. Fair warning. – Sam]

Sarah Ingram is part archaeologist, part geek, and mostly runs on coffee and red wine. She is a historical archaeologist obsessed with seventeenth-century colonial taverns and social interaction; hosts a technology news and reviews show calledTech Up; and podcasts on The PVP Podcast. You can follow her on Twitter (@Cerajoy) if you enjoy a lot of Futurama quotes, wine musings, and Sony fangirling.

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Jill Pantozzi

Jill Pantozzi is a pop-culture journalist and host who writes about all things nerdy and beyond! She’s Editor in Chief of the geek girl culture site The Mary Sue (Abrams Media Network), and hosts her own blog “Has Boobs, Reads Comics” (TheNerdyBird.com). She co-hosts the Crazy Sexy Geeks podcast along with superhero historian Alan Kistler, contributed to a book of essays titled “Chicks Read Comics,” (Mad Norwegian Press) and had her first comic book story in the IDW anthology, “Womanthology.” In 2012, she was featured on National Geographic’s "Comic Store Heroes," a documentary on the lives of comic book fans and the following year she was one of many Batman fans profiled in the documentary, "Legends of the Knight."

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