‘Make sure he wasn’t in NYC’: The UnitedHealthcare CEO gunman shockingly looks like a Hollywood heartthrob
The internet continues to be the gift that keeps on giving.
By now, you have probably heard of the gunman who fatally shot and killed UnitedHealthcare CEO Brian Thompson in midtown Manhattan on Wednesday morning while walking into a conference being held at the New York Hilton Hotel. The police called it a planned and targeted attack, furthered by evidence of shell casings found at the scene that had the words “deny,” “defend,” and “depose.” While not verbatim, they echo the phrase “delay, deny, defend,” which is often used by insurers when they deny payment and services.
With all of the evidence quite literally right there, it is rather funny that police are still saying they don’t know the full motives of the attacker. In America? Where affordable healthcare is still seen as socialism? Shocking, truly. Whatever could that motive be?
Amidst all the other stories swirling around the gunman, a newly-released CCTV photo shows who is thought to be the gunman’s unmasked face at the Starbucks he went to after for a coffee. A coffee. And if it is him–he looks like someone. A very specific someone named Jake Gyllenhaal, as pointed out by X (formerly Twitter) user Monty, who said, “Somebody call Jake Gyllenhaal and make sure he wasn’t in NYC yesterday.”
Now I personally see other people there, but that isn’t important right now. What is important is that the internet has been absolutely running with this since the photos were released. Every post gets funnier. The jokes continue to grow and morph and change the way that only Twitter memes can provide, and I’m all for it. User Yoichi tells Gyllenhaal to get ready to win an Oscar. And, honestly? Yes. Twitter, do your thing. Somebody write it, or call up Dan Gilroy since he’s already done something similar and see if he wants to do it again.
Comparisons have also been made to Gyllenhaal’s 2014 film Nightcrawler (written by the aforementioned Dan Gilroy), which saw his character delve into madness after diving into the world of crime journalism. Compelling stuff in there. A gunman who stops for Starbucks after does sort of resonate with the tone of that film, and seems like just the thing the public wants right now.
In an absurdist world, use absurdist humor
Although it all can see off-color, this is the type of community I love to see. If 2024 has shown us anything good, it’s that nothing brings the public together like celebrity lookalikes. In an increasingly stressful and tumultuous world, sometimes it’s nice to just joke around on the internet, especially about things that have happened that you cannot change. We all know it isn’t Jake Gyllenhaal, but many of us cope with news like this with humor. It kind of comes with the territory of seeing 9/11 happen in real time.
However, anybody could do this, it would be Gyllenhaal, and he’d do it with such intensity I’d think about it for the remainder of my life. How do we contact his agent? Or maybe he can, as advised by this tweet.
But seriously. Let’s just check in on him, all right? Just to make sure he’s okay and accounted for.
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