The Crazy Mass Bird Deaths Are Back! (Probably Because It’s 2012 and We’re All Gonna Die)
All this has happened before...
Indeed, around the same time last year, blackbirds — tons of them — fell down from the sky. Tens of thousands of dead drum fish also washed up from the river. One theory is that there was a lot of high-altitude hail or lightning happening in the skies of Beebe, Arkansas. But it was later concluded that a large amount of people shooting off fireworks last New Year’s Eve were the cause, with officials stating that the stress from the blasts had a fatal effect on their delicate little bird hearts.
And now, dozens (thankfully, not thousands) of birds were found dead starting at around 7:00 PM, so police banned fireworks to avoid the same Birdy Rain of Death that happened last year. But one thing remains: there were still a lot of dead birds. And police Chief Wayne Ballew is prepared if the bird deaths are not over just yet:
“I guess we could have an annual blackbird watch,” he said with a laugh. “People can just bring their umbrellas, open them up and walk through the neighborhood and hope they don’t get hit.”
Oh, those crazy Beebe-ers! With their horrifying mass animal deaths, bird corpses raining from the sky, dogs and cats living together, mass hysteria! And umbrellas — in case it rains birds, cats, and dogs! Just another day in Beebe, Arkansas!
But it should be noted that it isn’t just New Year’s Eve or Beebe experiencing mass bird deaths. Thousands of grebes crash landed in a Walmart parking lot in the middle of December, thinking the pavement was water. Or just trying to get wonderful holiday shopping deals. (Probably not.)
Happy 2012, everyone!
(Top pic from Human Design Elements)
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