Montana Senator Steve Daines Yearns for the Days of Homegrown Meth

Sen. Steve Daines (R-Mont.) joined 17 of his fellow republican senators in a trip to the Mexican border, where they longingly touched the unfinished border wall, cosplayed as border patrol officers, and filmed themselves wandering in the marshes of the Rio Grande.

But along with the unintentionally hilarious photo-ops came a truly unhinged speech from Daines, where he discussed Mexican drug cartels and drug trafficking across the border. It turns out that it’s not the drug trafficking itself that rankles Daines, but its effect on local businesses. And by “local businesses”, he means meth labs.

“Twenty years ago in Montana, meth was homemade. It was homegrown. And you had purity levels less than 30 percent,” Daines said alongside his fellow Republican senators. “Today the meth that is getting into Montana is Mexican cartel. It has purities north of 95 percent. Far more dangerous, far more addictive, and it’s less expensive.”

FINALLY, a Washington politician who will stand up for the mom and pop meth shops of Montana! It’s so refreshing to see a republican finally support small businesses instead of sucking up to corporations. If you look closer in the video, you can see Sen. Mike Lee (R-Utah) stifling a laugh during Daines’ self-serious speech.

Daines’ bizarre “think global, shop local” approach to the methamphetamine crisis currently ravaging his home state quickly caught fire on social media, where the jokes came fast and furious:

I know we spend a lot of time here at The Mary Sue making fun of republicans, but how can we not? They make it SO easy. This is absolute clownery from top to bottom, as is this entire photo op of a border trip. Now if you’ll excuse me, it’s time to harvest some of my organic, all-natural, farm-to-table meth. America(n meth) first!

(via HuffPost, featured image: AMC)

Want more stories like this? Become a subscriber and support the site!

—The Mary Sue has a strict comment policy that forbids, but is not limited to, personal insults toward anyone, hate speech, and trolling.—

Have a tip we should know? tips@themarysue.com

Author

Close

Chelsea Steiner

Chelsea was born and raised in New Orleans, which explains her affinity for cheesy grits and Britney Spears. An pop culture journalist since 2012, her work has appeared on Autostraddle, AfterEllen, and more. Her beats include queer popular culture, film, television, republican clownery, and the unwavering belief that 'The Long Kiss Goodnight' is the greatest movie ever made. She currently resides in sunny Los Angeles, with her husband, 2 sons, and one poorly behaved rescue dog. She is a former roller derby girl and a black belt in Judo, so she is not to be trifled with. She loves the word “Jewess” and wishes more people used it to describe her.

twitter