The Men in Moriarty the Patriot Are Gorgeous and Shippable Do Not Send Help I Will Manage

My friends, I have failed you as Fandom Editor, for I wrote an entire why you should watch it piece on Moriarty the Patriot without delving into the fact that every single man in the series is one hundred and fifty-seven million percent FINE AS HELL.

Like.

The Moriarty brothers are soaking wet during the ending theme.

Eldest brother Albert

Youngest brother Louis

The main character/middle brother William

Ahem.

This anime knows what’s up.

I think I was trying to pace myself with this write-up. Maybe let a few more episodes go by, see if we get more explanations of some of the characters we’ve encountered. But then I was alerted to THIS ARTICLE by CBR’s Hannah Collins, which references THIS TWEET and, well, time to go down with the ship.

I deduce that there are a lot of attractively shippable men in this series.

Hm.

This will require further investigation.

• The Ship Where They Might as Well Be Married: Sherlock Holmes and John Watson

They probably eloped during the credits.

I’m fairly certain this is a given in any story with the name Holmes in it. Watson goes along with Sherlock’s bullshit immediately, even after the man gets arrested. Yes, of course, Sherlock is innocent, but Watson just met this man so how would he know that beyond I can just feel it?

I just.

We’re SUPPOSED to ship them, right?

I get that this is your new roommate, but most of us would walk away from someone being handcuffed before the ink dries on the lease.

When the two have their first argument it truly does feel like a lover’s quarrel, the kind that happens when you move in with a guy you barely know and are knocked out of the honeymoon phase because he smokes too much and you hate how it lingers on the furniture. This is also when you find out that the guy you’re into is kinda a dick, calling you useless just because you won’t give him a match for yet another cigarette.

Watson has the ultimate mom friend of the group response though, saying that he is ashamed of Sherlock since he feels the man is willing to go too far for the sake of solving a mystery. Granted, this is all information you should’ve found out before moving into this man’s apartment, but I’ll forgive you, I guess, cuz Sherlock’s got a real cute ponytail. Watson even goes so far as locking Sherlock out of their shared train car. If that ain’t petty wife energy I don’t know what is.

Basically, this is the wholesome(ish) ship of the series with the … least amount of problems? At least compared to the next one.

• The Ship Most Likely to Hate F*ck Once the Dust Settles: Sherlock Holmes and William James Moriarty

Who’s seducing who here?

If you’ve been watching this series you know this ship started as soon as the opening played and we saw these two men aim their guns at each other. This is the rival ship, the ship that gets off on figuring out ways to screw the other one over. When they talk to each other it’s foreplay. When they smirk at each other it’s making out. And when Sherlock inevitably finds out who Moriarty actually is that’s the moment when they’ll metaphorically f*ck each other’s brains out.

At least that’s how it usually goes, but as of episode 10 of the series, you can see that Sherlock’s already gotten off on Moriarty, the sultry blond telling him to catch him if he can. So yeah. They’re already engaged in figurative intercourse, at this point I wouldn’t be surprised if the series went all Hannibal on us with actual admissions of love and tender embraces.

It’s all kinds of ironic that this catch me if you can scene happens AFTER Sherlock and Watson had their fight. Sherlock basically ran to another man. I’m not kidding! After being locked out of the train car he shares with Watson, Sherlock sets his sights on Moriarty and straight-up interrupts his lunch. Damn, Sherlock, you really don’t waste any time, do you?

I expected sexual tension between these two, but they are practically bathing themselves in it. I don’t even think I can call it hate f*ck anymore since I feel like neither one is gonna hate the other, not if they keep slow dancing with each other like this. Um… let’s change the title to The Ship Most Likely to Hate F*CK but Hate Translates to Forbidden Love Where They’re Destined to Be Enemies or Something Like That.

For extra chaos, this ship coexists at the same time as Sherlock and Watson. Watson is the angel on Sherlock’s shoulder and Moriarty is the devil. To Moriarty’s credit, he does say that Sherlock and Watson make a good pair, so I expect him to fully support that ship… while seducing Sherlock, of course.

• The Soldier and the Man He Protects: Sebastian Moran and William James Moriarty

He said that so casually…

There’s not much to this ship, really, besides the fact that Sebastian Moran is sex on a stick (he’s the older gentlemen in the pic here) and, for some reason, is so fiercely loyal to William that he’s willing to die for him. I don’t know why, and I haven’t read the manga so I don’t know if it ever gets explained, I just know that Sebastian (and Fred Porlock) show up when they’re needed and make sure Moriarty’s plans are a success.

I was, full disclosure, interested in this ship on a purely aesthetically pleasing level, but when Sebastian casually said he was willing to die for William then my shipping meter went from these men would be hot together to these men would be hot together AND one would die for the other so now I can add hurt/comfort to my fanfic tag. 

• The Ultimate Polyship: The Moriarty Gang

The gang’s all here.

Honestly, if you told me that everyone shares the same bed space after an evening of planning the upheaval of British civilization I would not be surprised. You’d think it would be William that organized the logistics of decompressing after those elaborate plans, but I’m convinced it’s the eldest brother, Albert. Just look at the way he watches William plan his next move.

He’s very invested in the plan. Just the plan. Honest.

Albert is also the only one who actually comes from nobility (William and Louis were adopted into his family) so I imagine if anyone’s gonna plan a luxurious rest day it’s him.

_

Those are my Moriarty ships for the time being, but I have a feeling this list is subject to change now that THIS man has appeared:

A new challenger appears!

Meet Sherlock’s older brother, Mycroft, who will certainly wreck my established ships somehow.

(Image: FUNimation)

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Briana Lawrence

Briana (she/her - bisexual) is trying her best to cosplay as a responsible adult. Her writing tends to focus on the importance of representation, whether it’s through her multiple book series or the pieces she writes. After de-transforming from her magical girl state, she indulges in an ever-growing pile of manga, marathons too much anime, and dedicates an embarrassing amount of time to her Animal Crossing pumpkin patch (it's Halloween forever, deal with it Nook)

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