‘Never have I hoped more that a post was fake’: A marriage nightmare unveiled on Reddit
Ah Reddit, where humanity spills its deepest secrets, wildest confessions, and jaw-dropping dramas for the world to collectively gasp at. Among the usual threads of bad roommates and workplace shenanigans, one post recently stood out like a neon sign screaming “YIKES!”
If you haven’t seen it yet buckle up because this is a wild ride involving a guinea pig named Fluff, poop droppings, a bowl of chocolates, and a husband whose idea of “fun” deserves its own episode of Law & Order: SVU. Yes, this is going down the worst route possible.
You can read the full post (with updates) here.
The chocolate wasn’t chocolate
The saga begins innocently enough. A husband, seeing their guinea pig Fluff blissfully munching on alfalfa, gets the brilliant idea to use Fluff’s droppings in a “harmless” prank. Because nothing says “romantic partnership” like mixing poop into chocolates to see if your partner notices, right?
Naturally, his partner did notice. In fact, their taste buds immediately raised the alarm, leading to a confession from the husband that left them sick, both physically and emotionally. And, oh, it gets worse. He didn’t just use week-old poop; he included fresh ones too. Fresh. Ones.
This is not a drill, somehow the updates get worse
If the story had ended there, it would already be a contender for Most WTF Moment of the Year. But no, Redditors were treated to a series of updates that made this situation exponentially more horrifying. January has barely started.
He’s done it before; this wasn’t his first rodeo. The husband casually admitted to putting grass in his partner’s salads once because, ha-ha, they wouldn’t notice, which they didn’t. But that doesn’t make it okay! Imagine eating what you think is a healthy, well-prepared meal, only to find out your husband is treating you like a contestant on Fear Factor.
Not to mention, where did the grass come from? How did he treat it and what chemicals or bacteria could have been on it? It’s a frightening thought. There are a number of things they might have consumed during these disgusting “pranks.” Which let’s be real, are not pranks, they are crimes.
No apologies of course
When confronted, the husband’s reaction was … laughter. No remorse, no apology, just doubling down on how “funny” it all was. At this point, his partner decided enough was enough and asked him to leave the house. Good for them, honestly.
After thinking about it, they decided, rightfully so, that this was divorce-worthy. Upon hearing the D-word, the husband threw a fit and some objects around the house too. He even issued a cryptic threat, “You know about the poop … too bad you won’t know anything else.” Um, excuse me?! Is this a prank or the setup for a Dateline special? Pranks are supposed to be funny for both people, yet this man is tampering with his partner’s food and not even telling them.
It’s not just a “prank,” it’s a crime
Let’s pause here and address the elephant in the room. What this man did is not just a prank. It’s not even just gross. It’s criminal.
Food tampering is a serious offense, and in this case, it’s downright dangerous. The OP, who has been dealing with digestive issues (diagnosed as GERD and IBS), now suspects this might not be a coincidence. If he’s been secretly messing with their food for years, it’s not a stretch to wonder if those health issues are a direct result of his “jokes.”
The post quickly gained traction, with Redditors rushing to express their outrage and support. Many highlighted how this isn’t just a relationship red flag, it’s a full-on fireworks display spelling out “RUN!” Others advised them to seek legal action, get a health checkup (which they wisely did), and file a police report (also in progress). TikTok, too, became outraged on the OP’s behalf.
Some commenters also pointed out the deeper, more chilling implications. Food tampering in a domestic setting often coincides with patterns of control and abuse. This isn’t just about bad taste in humor; it’s about power dynamics and a blatant disregard for someone else’s well-being. As someone understandably commented, “Never have I hoped more that a post was fake.”
By the final update, the OP had decided to consult a lawyer and officially file for divorce. And honestly? Good for them. This isn’t a situation you “work through” in therapy. This is a hard pass, a “block-and-never-look-back” kind of deal. They also kept evidence, the poop bowl, the recordings of his confession—they’re not just taking this lightly.
No verdict is needed here
Look, we all love a good laugh. Pranks, when done right, can be hilarious and harmless. But what this husband did wasn’t a prank, it was a violation of trust, safety, and basic human decency. There’s a line between playful teasing and behavior that’s outright dangerous. If you’re ever questioning which side of that line your “prank” falls on, here’s a hint: if it involves bodily fluids, feces, or secret ingredients, don’t do it.
To the OP, I’m not even entertaining the question of if you’re an a**hole here. You deserve better. You deserve someone who doesn’t see your food as a playground or your body as a science experiment. And to everyone else reading, if your partner ever tries to justify food tampering as “just a joke,” it’s time to have a serious conversation or better yet, pack your bags.
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