Our Completely Unfounded Picks for Tonight’s Oscars
Because we weren't deterred by our almost-completely incorrect Golden Globes predictions!
The Oscars are tonight, and though we’re all desperately curious to see if Jennifer Lawrence will trip over her dress again, we also have some thoughts about who should take home those coveted golden statues. Yeah, so our reasoning isn’t exactly based in hard science, but we like what we like, and nerds never have a shortage of opinions on films.
So without any further adieu, here are our picks (bolded) for the 2014 Oscars.
Best Picture
American Hustle
Captain Phillips
Dallas Buyers Club
Gravity – Space, guys! Space movie! Best picture! C’mon!
Her
Nebraska
Philomena
12 Years a Slave
The Wolf of Wall Street
Best Actor in a Leading Role
Christian Bale (American Hustle)
Bruce Dern (Nebraska)
Leonado DiCaprio (The Wolf of Wall Street)
Chiwetel Ejiofor (12 Years a Slave) – Remember when he was the Operative in Serenity?
Matthew McConaughey (Dallas Buyers Club)
Best Actress in a Leading Role
Amy Adams (American Hustle)
Cate Blanchett (Blue Jasmine)
Sandra Bullock (Gravity) – Have you seen how hard it was for her to be in fake space for this whole film? I mean seriously.
Judi Dench (Philomena)
Meryl Streep (August: Osage County)
Best Actor in a Supporting Role
Barkhad Abdi (Captain Phillips)
Bradley Cooper (American Hustle) – Because how hilarious would it be if Rocket Raccoon won an Oscar?
Michael Fassbender (12 Years a Slave)
Jonah Hill (The Wolf of Wall Street)
Jared Leto (Dallas Buyers Club)
Best Actress in a Supporting Role
Sally Hawkins (Blue Jasmine)
Jennifer Lawrence (American Hustle)
Lupita Nyong’o (12 Years a Slave)
Julia Roberts (August: Osage County)
June Squibb (Nebraska) – Because magicless Squibs get a bad rap.
Best Animated Feature
The Croods
Despicable Me 2
Ernest & Celestine
Frozen – If it doesn’t win we aren’t going to be able to let it go.
The Wind Rises
Best Directing
David O. Russell (American Hustle)
Alfonso Cuarón (Gravity) – It’s a space movie and he directed a Harry Potter.
Alexander Payne (Nebraska)
Steve McQueen (12 Years a Slave)
Martin Scorsese (The Wolf of Wall Street)
Best Animated Short Film
Feral
Get a Horse! – Because director Lauren MacMullan is the first and only woman ever to have fully solo-directed a Disney animated film.
Mr. Hublot
Possessions
Room on the Broom
Best Original Song
Happy (Despicable Me 2)
Let It Go (Frozen) – Sorry everyone else, but bow down to Queen Idina.
The Moon Song (Her)
Ordinary Love (Mandela)
Best Visual Effects
Gravity
The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug – CumberSmaug!
Iron Man 3
The Lone Ranger
Star Trek Into Darkness
Best Adapted Screenplay
Before Midnight
Captain Phillips
Philomena – Steve Coogan, guys. He’s pretty great.
12 Years a Slave
The Wolf of Wall Street
Best Original Screenplay
American Hustle
Blue Jasmine
Dallas Buyers Club
Her – Okay, but who here doesn’t have an unhealthy relationship with their smartphone?
Nebraska
Best Cinematography
The Grandmaster
Gravity
Inside Llweyn Davis
Nebraska – It was all in black and white, so we’re running with this one.
Prisoners
Best Costume Design
American Hustle
The Grandmaster
The Great Gatsby
The Invisible Woman – We’re pretending this is about Sue Storm.
12 Years a Slave
Best Documentary Feature
The Act of Killing
Cutie and the Boxer
Dirty Wars
The Square
20 Feet from Stardom – Because who doesn’t want to be a back-up singer?
Best Documentary Short
CaveDigger
Facing Fear
Karama Has No Walls
The Lady in Number 6: Music Saved My Life – Look, we haven’t seen any of these (have you?), but we do hope music can save lives.
Prison Terminal: The Last Days of Private Jack Hall
Best Film Editing
American Hustle
Captain Phillips
Dallas Buyers Club
Gravity – Space!
12 Years a Slave
Best Foreign Language Film
Canada wasn’t nominated this year, and with two Canadians on staff we are picking none in protest.
Best Makeup and Hairstyling
Dallas Buyers Club – Well we sure weren’t picking Jackass or The Lone Ranger, so…
Jackass Presents: Bad Grandpa
The Lone Ranger
Best Original Score
John Williams (The Book Thief)
Steven Price (Gravity)
William Butler & Owen Pallett (Her)
Alexandre Desplat (Philomena) – We’ve loved him since he scored Harry Potter.
Thomas Newman (Saving Mr. Banks)
Best Production Design
American Hustle – We were really feeling the ’70s, for a minute there – and that’s tough to accomplish.
Gravity
The Great Gatsby
Her
12 Years a Slave
Best Live Action Short Film
Aquel No Era Yo (That Wasn’t Me) – Because Shaggy.
Avant Que De Tour Perdre (Just Before Losing Everything)
Helium
Pitääkö Mun Kaikki Hoitaa? (Do I Have to Take Care of Everything?)
The Voorman Problem
Best Sound Editing
All Is Lost
Captain Phillips
Gravity
The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug – I think it’s probably not okay to be as aroused by a dragon voice as some of us were (okay, just Sam).
Lone Survivor
Best Sound Mixing
Captain Phillips
Gravity
The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug – See above.
Inside Llewyn Davis
Lone Survivor
(via The Oscars, image via Rachel)
- These were our Golden Globes picks
- Did you know physicists have their own Oscars kind of?
- The Best of Warner Bros. Thriller collection is pretty great
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