Rudy Giuliani Is Furious That the Person Who Patted Him on the Back Isn’t Going To Prison

While preparing to campaign for his laughably unqualified son’s gubernatorial bid this weekend, Rudy Giuliani was essentially murdered. Or, at least, that’s how he describes it.

The former New York mayor and Donald Trump’s personal attorney and conspiracy theory spokesman was inside of a Staten Island grocery store when an employee walked by and slapped him on the back, reportedly saying “Hey, what’s up, scumbag?” Which, to be honest, are the only appropriate words to use when greeting Giuliani if you have to do so at all. The person then reportedly went on to berate Giuliani for “killing women,” presumably referencing the recent Supreme Court ruling overturning abortion protections, which would not have been possible without Trump stacking the Supreme Court with right-wing zealots.

The overreaction to the back smack was swift and it was massive. Giuliani called it an “assault” and said it felt like “a boulder hit me” and like he’d been “shot.” His son sent out a press release, echoing claims of “assault” and stating “We will not be intimidated by left wing attacks.” At least one Republican advocacy group went so far as to call this an “assassination attempt.”

No matter what you’re imagining this incident looked like, if you haven’t yet watched the video that was released, I don’t think anything can prepare you for just how incredible of an overreaction all of this is. Here’s what Giuliani was subjected to:

Despite video evidence of the “assault” making it clear this was nothing of the sort, Giuliani claims he almost died, saying that if he weren’t in such good shape (LOL) he could have “hit the ground and probably crack[ed] my skull.” He’s also furious that Fox News isn’t covering The Slap, despite the fact that the story did run on Fox digital almost immediately. In a rambly Facebook Live stream, he complained that “even if Putin got assaulted, Fox would cover it.”

But Giuliani’s biggest complaint seems to be that the person who clapped him on the back saw his charges decreased from second-degree assault to a misdemeanor. Giuliani is livid over this, doubling down in that Facebook video on claims that he could have died, saying, “I could have fallen down … Elderly people die most often from falling down.”

Second-degree assault is punishable with up to seven years in prison, with a minimum sentence of two years. And he is furious that this person won’t see a prison cell for clapping him on the back and calling him a scumbag.

(via Deadline, Rolling Stone, image: Spencer Platt/Getty Images)

Have a tip we should know? tips@themarysue.com

Author

Close

Vivian Kane

Vivian Kane (she/her) is the Senior News Editor at The Mary Sue, where she's been writing about politics and entertainment (and all the ways in which the two overlap) since the dark days of late 2016. Born in San Francisco and radicalized in Los Angeles, she now lives in Kansas City, Missouri, where she gets to put her MFA to use covering the local theatre scene. She is the co-owner of The Pitch, Kansas City’s alt news and culture magazine, alongside her husband, Brock Wilbur, with whom she also shares many cats.

twitter