10 terrible ’80s horror flicks for B-movie aficionados
The spectrum of horror movies is long and wide. While there is no shortage of acclaimed genre films to choose from, sometimes you just want to watch trash.
This is where the ’80s excels. The decade’s penchant for camp and over-the-top gore produced a plethora of critically panned titles with some of the most creative names in the business. Think you can handle the cheesiness? Well, then, here are ten of the worst horror movies from the ’80s that still deserve a watch.
10. Berserker (1987)
Ah, Berserker. A movie that earns every bit of its 12% rating on Rotten Tomatoes. Berserker desperately wants to use misdirection by implicating an innocent bear in its killings but fails to consider the spoiler already in its title. Still, it’s a cheesy little slasher if you subscribe to the teens meet summer camp of horror trope.
9. Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2 (1987)
“Generally unfavorable reviews” don’t sway hardcore horror fans easily, which is why Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2 remains a cult favorite. The best part is you don’t even need to watch the first one. The sequel includes an abundance of stock footage from the original movie in an attempt to explain Ricky Caldwell’s Christmastime killing spree.
8. Ghoulies (1985)
Ghoulies doesn’t try to hide the fact that it’s a Gremlins knockoff. It’s stupid and silly, but it’s got a certain charm nonetheless. The biggest selling point is the mucous-covered ghoulies themselves, which wreak all kinds of havoc after a young man inherits his father’s unusual estate. Oh, and for all you enduring Law & Order: SVU, Mariska Hargitay’s appearance is sure to delight.
7. Jaws: The Revenge (1987)
Nobody had any business making a Jaws sequel, never mind four of them! However, one look at this list proves 1987 was a year for questionable movies. Maybe there was something in the water. And in the case Jaws: The Revenge, there literally is. The Brody family can’t seem to catch a break. When a great white shark kills her son, she flees to the Bahamas only for the shark to follow her. Ridiculous? Absolutely. But as David N said on Rotten Tomatoes, “This movie is absolute trash. 5/5 must watch.”
6. Blood Hook (1986)
There isn’t much to say about Blood Hook’s plot. As the title so eloquently suggests, a group of twenty-somethings is picked off by an unknown assailant wielding a fishing pole with an unreasonably long line. Chock full of cheesy gore, Blood Hook is an underrated campy slasher worth checking out at least once.
5. Alligator (1980)
Have you ever heard the urban legend about baby alligators getting flushed down toilets and then living in the sewers? Well, Alligator took that idea and ran full throttle with it. The movie sees a detective and reptile specialist team up to track down a mutated, man-eating alligator lurking beneath the city. The premise is undoubtedly zany, but Alligator serves it up with plenty of fun.
4. Chopping Mall (1986)
Chopping Mall is one hell of a funny title for a movie that shows very little “chopping.” The Park Plaza Mall’s state-of-the-art robot security doesn’t take too kindly to a group of teenagers who lock themselves in after hours for a night of partying. There’s some commentary spliced in about consumerism, but the increasingly fun robot encounters are what truly makes the film a cult classic.
3. The Slumber Party Massacre (1982)
Slumber Party Massacre is an aptly named slasher that sees a group of high school girls go up against a drill-wielding killer hellbent on crashing their sleepover. While all the nudity and sexualized violence might suggest otherwise, the movie was actually directed and written by two women, Amy Holden Jones and Rita Mae Brown, respectively. Brown, specifically, wanted to satirize women’s treatment in horror. While the producers butchered most of Brown’s vision, those feminist touches still ring through in all their campy glory.
2. Maximum Overdrive (1986)
Based on a Stephen King short story, Maximum Overdrive explores the chaotic aftermath of machines gaining sentience. King’s directorial debut was just as messy behind the scenes as it was in front of the camera. The same cocaine-fueled decisions and ridiculous dialogue that critics scorned also lend to its absurd charm. King himself called it a “moron movie,” but hey, that’s okay. Some of us like our horror moronic.
1. Elvira: Mistress of the Dark (1988)
Everyone’s favorite horror host stars in a raunchy horror comedy that drops Elvira in a prudish Massachusetts town to collect her great aunt’s inheritance, only to discover a dark secret about her family. To call Elvira: Mistress of the Dark terrible isn’t really fair. The movie knows exactly what it is and basks in B-movie campiness. Critics didn’t agree, though. And instead of garnering praise, it earned a Razzie nomination.
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