The Alarm System Turned Us All Into Zombies, Now What?
If you logged onto the artist formerly known as Twitter and saw “zombies” trending, don’t worry. It’s just some anti-vaxxer nonsense. Which they would know, as zombies themselves, right?
The FEMA and FCC alert systems had a planned alert go off on October 4th to test their nationwide emergency notification system. (Or maybe just to annoy everyone in the entire country as we all inevitably forgot it was happening and had a collective jump scare when our phones started blaring.)
OR MAYBE the alarm was designed to activate a rare virus in everyone who was vaccinated. That’s what some anti-vax conspiracy theorists were pushing on Elon Musk’s X.
“Turn off your cell phones on October 4th. The EBS is going to “test” the system using 5G. This will activate the Marburg virus in people who have been vaccinated. And sadly turn some of them into zombies,” one person wrote and honestly, we’re two hours post announcement and I feel fine. Granted, I’m not on a ground-floor apartment but then again I’m not trying to eat my cat’s brains or anything like that.
You might be asking yourself a simple question: Hey, what prompted this? Who out there thought an alert on your phone was going to trigger the zombie apocalypse? Truly beats me! I don’t really understand the logic here but hey, at least I’m just someone who instantly is turned.
If you survived the zombie alarm, raise your hand
Now look, maybe this is not an instant thing. Maybe the zombie apocalypse is going to sort of slowly build now that we’ve all apparently had this virus activated with 5G waves or whatever. Right now though, there are no zombies outside my window begging to get in. There’s no Rick Grimes popping up ready to help lead a group of people to safety in the midst of the new zombie world.
Maybe I’m just writing this, wasting the last bit of time I have left in this world mocking a woman who is going to be proven right. I’ll get ready to go to trivia tonight only to be confronted with zombies ready to eat my brain during the music round because somehow my vaccinated brain wasn’t activated, maybe because I was too quick to shut off the alert.
The only (?) flaw in this logic is that some of us live in cities where most of us had to get vaccinated in order to do anything so what are we going to eat?
I could not tell you why this conspiracy theory popped up or why they went the whole way to zombies being triggered by the sound of an alarm but at least we’re all just laughing at the COVID-19 vaccine conspiracy theories at this point, right?
(featured image: AMC)
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