TikTok’s ‘Healthy Coke’ Trend Is an Abomination

Americans have an obsession with optimizing and life-hacking our way to better health and happiness. From Fitbits to intermittent fasting to HIIT, we’re constantly on the quest to be better, faster, stronger. At the same time, we’re also hopelessly addicted to sugar, caffeine, and lying down. The diet and wellness industry has long sought the ultimate cheat code to health and vitality, from weight-loss pills to sugar-free candy to potato chips that explode your butthole. And as anyone who has perused the reviews of any sugar-free gummies can tell you, they are disastrous for the old digestive tract.

But these ass-destroying attempts have done little to deter folks from trying to find the “healthy” version of their favorite treats. Enter “Healthy Coke”, a new TikTok trend where folks are combining balsamic vinegar with sparkling water and claiming it tastes like Coke. TikToker Amanda Jones started the trend, claiming it tastes like Coke. Reader, THIS IS A LIE.

“Healthy Coke” is neither healthy, nor is it Coke. Sure, there’s nothing inherently bad about drinking sparkling water with balsamic vinegar, but good Lord why would you want to? Balsamic vinegar lacks the caffeine and chemicals of Coke that makes it Coke. Don’t pour balsamic vinegar on my leg and tell me it’s raining.

And it’s all the more puzzling because diet soda is one of the few sugar-free products that actually functions as it’s supposed to. Ever since Tab hit the scene in 1963, folks could enjoy a sugar-free carbonated beverage that tasted enough like Coca-Cola to please the masses. Eventually, dozens of new diet sodas hit the market, but in 1982 the Coca-Cola company introduced Diet Coke, and the world has never been the same. Diet Coke, with its caffeine, fizziness, and uniquely chemical flavor, quickly took America by storm and continues to boast legions of devoted fans.

Is Diet Coke good for you? Eh…it’s probably not ideal? Between artificial sweeteners and other chemicals, it’s not the BEST choice for your body. But is it the worst? Absolutely not. There’s plenty of terrible stuff we put into our bodies on the daily that is not necessarily healthy. And while having a glass of Diet Coke or a cookie every day isn’t the pinnacle of health, it’s extremely normal. Granted, this may be my own journalistic bias as an avid Diet Coke consumer. But don’t punish yourself with sparkling balsamic vinegar. And if you’re trying to curb that Diet Coke craving, just do what the rest of us do and have a La Croix.

(featured image: Coca-Cola)

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Chelsea Steiner

Chelsea was born and raised in New Orleans, which explains her affinity for cheesy grits and Britney Spears. An pop culture journalist since 2012, her work has appeared on Autostraddle, AfterEllen, and more. Her beats include queer popular culture, film, television, republican clownery, and the unwavering belief that 'The Long Kiss Goodnight' is the greatest movie ever made. She currently resides in sunny Los Angeles, with her husband, 2 sons, and one poorly behaved rescue dog. She is a former roller derby girl and a black belt in Judo, so she is not to be trifled with. She loves the word “Jewess” and wishes more people used it to describe her.

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