Twitter Thinks This ‘Spiral Art’ Glass Christmas Tree Is Suspiciously Shaped

‘Tis the season to give and receive, and sure, gifts are an easy way to do that. It’s a tried and true method of demonstrating your love for someone, giving them gifts. But the thing is, why would you risk a regular material gift when you could get something that will continue to give … and receive?

At least, that’s what Williams & Sonoma seem to be saying with this latest little treasure that’s gone viral thanks to a tongue-in-cheek tweet:

Hark! Observe this ass, Santa.

I mean, goddamn, at a certain point you have to wonder if the design team really is so innocent that something like this could make the grade. You’re telling me nobody, nobody, took a look at this thing and got all Beavis and Butthead-y?

TO BE CLEAR: yes, even though it could probably do the job, you shouldn’t buy this thing and shove it all up in there, because actual sex toys are durable and built for whatever pressures the human body is capable of. This … ahem … “Spiral Art Glass Christmas Tree” would probably shatter in your sphincter as easily as a crystal up your coochie.

Did I enjoy writing that? Maybe, maybe not. I’m just doing my job, here.

I do like the idea that people are subconsciously horny while designing though, even if they aren’t aware of what “drives” them. Behold, for instance, the “London Gherkin”:

A whole-ass building, to really send home the message that the Brits are out here to stick it to us in more ways than one. There’s so much art and architecture out there that similarly stands erect and alert, ready to let us know that yes, the power of the penis is nigh, and boy is it everywhere.

And for a fair, fair price, you too could have the power of the penis in your very own home. What joy, a phallus for every season! I encourage all ye who prostrate yourself to the powers of the prostate to buy one or two of these for the Christmas-obsessed relative in your life (since they probably won’t know what the hell they’re putting on their shelves).

As for your own home … I mean, for a similar price you could just get a regular ol’ butt plug that won’t explode into a million little pieces when put to use. You may as well just put those on display for a similar effect. I’d probably feel more at home in a house full of sex toys than a house full of Christmas decor, butt hey, that’s just me.

(Featured Image: Brittany Broski/TikTok)

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Madeline Carpou

Madeline (she/her) is a staff writer with a focus on AANHPI and mixed-race representation. She enjoys covering a wide variety of topics, but her primary beats are music and gaming. Her journey into digital media began in college, primarily regarding audio: in 2018, she started producing her own music, which helped her secure a radio show and co-produce a local history podcast through 2019 and 2020. After graduating from UC Santa Cruz summa cum laude, her focus shifted to digital writing, where she's happy to say her History degree has certainly come in handy! When she's not working, she enjoys taking long walks, playing the guitar, and writing her own little stories (which may or may not ever see the light of day).

Link to madelinecwrites.com