Woah, the Monkeypox CDC Guidelines Are *Kinky*
Anyone have some silicone lube to spare?
When COVID-19 dawned in 2020, there were plenty of memes going around about the best part of quarantine: The horniness. Everyone was extremely horny during those first few months, and plenty of Americans tried their best to make it pre-vaxed-and-waxed dating work.
Health officials were right by our side at the time. Pennsylvania’s Department of Health explicitly endorsed sexting, sex chat rooms, and “subscription-based fan platforms.” Go spend your stimmy on OnlyFans, folks! And New York City’s health department went viral for encouraging rimming over kissing. Not a fan of butt stuff? Don’t worry, the city also proposed “physical barriers, like walls,” for semi-distanced sex.
Yes, NYC endorsed the glory hole for dealing with COVID-19. OnlyFans, eating ass, and fucking through a wall, COVID sure was a beautiful time to try dating.
With monkeypox cases high (but falling), it should come as no surprise that the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention instituted its own fair share of safer sex practices to keep Americans from potential exposure. It’s a relatively extensive list. And we’re not going to lie, the CDC’s advice is about as kinky as you’d expect given the circumstances.
The CDC recommends you slip on something dirty
For one, it’s time to pull out the black sex gloves and get to work: Latex, polyurethane, and nitrile gloves are all barriers that could “reduce the possibility of exposure if inserting fingers or hands into the vagina or the anus.” Medical fetishists, rejoice, your doctor-patient fisting fantasies are now federally recommended for preventing monkeypox exposure.
You can keep the Friday night circlejerk sessh going strong, too. The CDC suggests you “masturbate together at a distance without touching each other and without touching any rash.” Just make sure you’ve got some distance between the folks you’re playing with, and you’re good.
Granted, you might not want to do a bukkake-style setup: The CDC warns that monkeypox can be spread through “body fluids from a person with monkeypox.” So for the time being, you’ll want to hold in the big finale — and pass on being that lucky guest in the middle, unfortunately.
Degradation fetishists, we have some bad news: The CDC says you should avoid “exchanging spit,” since monkeypox can be spread that way. So no domme spitting in your mouth at the Halloween party this fall. Kissing is off the menu too, which is great if you’re into denial kink, but bad for everyone else. “Saunas, sex clubs,” and “private and public sex parties” aren’t recommended either. But the CDC explicitly recommends taking your filthy little self and going online to “have virtual sex with no in-person contact.” So ERPing in VRChat? Go for it!
My favorite CDC suggestion by far is the kinkiest on the list: Slap on some leather and latex. Both provide “a barrier to skin-to-skin contact.” Yes, the leatherdykes are well prepared this fall, and for the rubber fetishists, the CDC has officially endorsed lubing up that full latex outfit and slipping it on. Get that silicone lube everyone, hun. Just make sure you change your outfit between partners and give your gear the proper cleaning it needs (which you should definitely be doing already, let’s be real).
It was this suggestion, by the way, that earned the CDC a round of viral praise. One Twitter user declared “full cover gang keeps winning.” Another asked for “government mandated latex suits.” I for one am a huge fan of the latter; I’m expecting Joe Biden to send over the egirl latex suit with matching cat ears at any moment.
What to know about monkeypox and sex
Monkeypox is spread through direct contact, whether via rashes and scabs, bodily fluids, respiratory droplets, and “touching objects, fabrics (clothing, bedding, or towels), and surfaces that have been used by someone with monkeypox,” according to the CDC. Debate remains over whether monkeypox is airborne. One preprint, non-peer-reviewed study connected to NHS England Airborne HCID Network and the UK Health Security Agency believes it has found “potential for aerosolization of MPXV during specific activities,” which could theoretically lead to infection via respiration.
While monkeypox is not a sexually-transmitted disease, it can spread via any form of sex that involves direct contact, including anal, vaginal, and oral sex, as well as frotting, footjobs, kissing, rimming, and handjobs. Sex workers, the queer community, and anyone with multiple sexual partners is at high risk. The CDC warns that fetish gear and sex toys that have not been properly disinfected can spread monkeypox, and even hugging can be a source of infection. Symptoms include rashes and lesions, as well as fever, chills, coughing, and congestion, among others highlighted by the CDC.
“Talk with your partner about any monkeypox symptoms and be aware of any new or unexplained rash or lesion on either of your bodies, including the mouth, genitals (penis, testicles, vulva, or vagina), or anus (butthole),” the CDC’s safer sex guidelines warn. “If you or your partner has or recently had monkeypox symptoms, or you have a new or unexplained rash anywhere on your body, do not have sex and see a healthcare provider.”
Be warned, monkeypox symptoms can be mild, to the point where people with monkeypox may not even know they have the disease. So if you or a partner are feeling unwell, the best call might be to postpone sex for the time being. But if both of you are healthy and still want to mitigate risk, bringing out the leather and latex is a good, queer way to potentially keep monkeypox at bay.
(Featured image: Quinn Dombrowski (CC BY-SA))
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