Adult Venus Fly Trap, Majestic Mermaid, and 8 other cursed sexy Halloween costumes that’ll haunt your dreams
Sexy or unintentionally nightmarish?
Cady Heron once explained in Mean Girls, “Halloween is the one night a year when a girl can dress like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it.” Truer words were never spoken. Anyone who’s been in a Spirit Halloween store can tell you, there’s a sexy version of just about any costume idea you can think of.
But while we’ve all seen our share of sexy cats, sexy police officers, and sexy nurses, some sexy costumes should never be. If you’re looking for a Halloween costume that’s just as confusing and misguided as it is sexy, these are the cream of the crop.
Adult Venus Fly Trap
I can conceive of a Venus fly trap costume that could be unique and memorable, but this one ain’t it. Nothing about this costume makes sense. The fly trap mouth bra top is an interesting choice—are the boobs supposed to eat bugs? There are more “mouths” for shoulder pads, making the wearer look less like a Venus fly trap and more like an unholy mishmash of Venus fly trap parts.
Sooo Snatched Costume
Searching for a topical costume in very poor taste? Look no further than this sexy semaglutide costume! According to the website, the tight-fitting dress and matching hat are intended to make you look like a “well known weight loss drug injector” that presumably rhymes with Prozempic. If the sexy Adderall and sexy Xanax costumes in your closet feel a little dated this year, get topical as sexy Ozempic!
Stay Shining Costume
Finally, there’s a sexy costume designed for twin sisters and similar-enough looking BFFs. The iconic twins from Stanley Kubrick’s The Shining have gotten a modern day upgrade with blue vinyl dresses and strange footless stockings. This spicy take on the creepy Shining twins is sexy, edgy, and totally not insane, because after all, what’s hotter than murdered children? Literally anything else, that’s what.
Buttery Babe Costume
Sexed up food costumes are nothing particularly new, but there’s something about the “buttery” descriptor that’s just extra nauseating. Most people who try incorporating food into their sex play will quickly realize how deeply unsexy incorporating food into sex play can be. Enter, the “buttery babe” costume. This saucy number gives off the allure of the greasy, probably expired movie popcorn that leaves theater-goers with the lingering taste of salt and regret. Watch your crush saunter towards you. Then watch your crush run to the bathroom…uh oh…just looking at your popcorn bustier triggered their IBS.
Banana Bread Boredom Costume
A pandemic PTSD flashback nightmare must have inspired this banana bread costume. For many, a breadmaking phase is one of their favorite repressed memories of 2020—one that is now immortalized in sexy costume form. This ridiculous costume consists of a single tube dress, with silver sides and back, and a brown and banana adorned front. It seems the silver would represent the loaf pan, and the front of the dress is the baked good inside. That’s actually a clever detail. I take it back. This is an incredible costume. Let’s all be bread for Halloween.
Sold Out Chicken Sandwich Costume
Remember that one time in 2019 when Popeye’s sold out of chicken sandwiches for a little while? No, you say? Why am I asking, you say? Well obviously because it’s sure to be 2024’s hottest Halloween costume! Some might complain that this chicky sando costume looks more like a burger. But remember, this is the sold out Popeye’s chicky sando…from 2019. It’s obviously several years expired, and I’m assuming the puffy sleeves and ruffles depict mold growth. If you look at it that way, it’s a very realistic and lifelike costume. Still bonkers though.
Space Sage Costume
Why settle for boring slave Leia when you can get real weird with this “space sage” costume! Though I deeply hope that this is a sexy ADULT Yoda costume, and not a sexy Baby Yoda/Grogu costume (because ick), it’s disturbing no matter what way you look at it. Remember, fear isn’t the path to the dark side, nightmarishly unsexy unlicensed Star Wars costumes are.
Hot Or Iced Barista Costume
I’m not entirely sure if this sexy barista costume is intended to be worn ironically or not. Is the “basic bitch” decal on the apron a sarcastic dig at the Starbucks-obsessed woman stereotype? Or is the wearer proudly declaring that, yes, they are a basic bitch? Either way, it’s not exactly a hot take. As Miranda Priestly might say, criticizing Starbucks? Groundbreaking.
Majestic Mermaid Costume
Disney princess knockoff costumes are nothing new. Scroll through any sexy costumes website and you’ll see several Slumbering Princesses, Red Rose Beauty Princesses, Poison Apple Princesses, Desert Princesses…you get the gist. There are also a fair amount of Red Headed Mermaid Princess costumes. However, this one has to be the weirdest take on Ariel’s signature look. Instead of a long green mermaid-tail-like skirt, this costume has a short skirt and some sort of bell bottom half garters? Was this the result of a more complete costume falling into a wood chipper?
Purple Milkshake Monster Costume
And rounding out the list is another fantastic costume that’s been made weird enough to avoid copyright infringement. I’ll admit, it took me a second to recognize that Purple Milkshake Monster is supposed to be the McDonald’s marketing character, Grimace. There’s a lot of purple fur trim to make sense of here, but it’s the “disconcerting face design” mentioned in the product details that really stands out. If you’re wearing this at a costume party, just know that anyone looking down at your chest isn’t checking out your boobs, they’re staring into the empty abyss of those nightmarish half-lidded eyes.
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