Come Fight In the Shade of a 300 Sequel Nobody Really Needed

300 is never going to make anybody’s list of the least problematic films of the ’00s, but you can say this for it: it was slightly less problematic than its source material, made some good memes, had some great spectacle, and went with Rifftrax like chocolate and peanut butter. Now there’s a sequel, not, so far as I can tell, based on any story Frank Miller has ever written, and you can tell that because there are two female characters, neither of them are sex workers, and probably at least one of them will survive the movie. But I’m already pretty sure that this one is going to flop as only unashamed monuments to masculinity can (and if anyone reads a more academically worded dick joke than this today, please let me know), if only because not once in this entire trailer was there something half as awesome as “then we will fight in the shade,” much less “This is Sparta.”