Thieves Steal Emu From Australian Wildlife Park, Leave Staff More Confused Than Angry

Staff at Australia’s Featherdale Wildlife Park are scratching their heads over the recent theft of one of their emus. How the bird burglars carried a bird the size of a small ostrich over an electrified barbed wire fence in the dead of night while avoiding a guard and security camera is one good question, but there’s an even better one — why would anyone steal an emu in the first place?

To steal the large, flightless bird, thieves would have had to break in over a high fence topped with electrified barbed wire, which sounds to us like a little much as far as security for a bird ranch goes. Apparently not, though, as the emu thieves not only broke in, but proceeded to wrangle an enormous bird and escape with it to a getaway vehicle parked a half a mile away. Which, while pretty dumb, is also pretty ballsy. For reference, here is what an upset emu looks like:

Not the sort of animal we would want to lug over a fence topped with electrified barbed wire, but we’re the risk averse sort.

More confusing than the how of the theft, though, is the why. Despite making a pretty tasty burger — seriously, try one if you ever get the chance — emus aren’t worth much on the open market, as they’re pretty common creatures, leaving park officials clueless on why anyone would go to the trouble of planning what is a pretty involved heist when the payoff is a single angry, confused flightless bird.

Considering the combination of careful planning and utter stupidity that went into the theft, we’re left with one suspect: teenagers. Mostly because if we were Australian teenagers, this is exactly the kind of thing we would get up to — a more involved, and thus more worthwhile, version of cow tipping. With that in mind, we have one suggestion for Featherdale Wildlife Park: get a Ronald McDonald statue. They’re a great decoy for thieving teenagers —  they pretty much won’t be able to help themselves.

Plus, the sight of a lone clown standing sentinel in rural Australia, his dead, unblinking eyes surveying his domain is a better deterrent than any electric fence. After all, high schoolers are a superstitious and cowardly lot.

(via Reuters)

Relevant to your interests

• OKCupid is probably not going to help anyone recover this emu
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• Was the emu drunk? Maybe. We’re the thieves? We’d bet out bottom dollar on it.