This “Civil War 2” Everyone’s Talking About Had Better Just Be Tony Stark and Steve Rogers Fanfiction

Ever think about the things Donald Trump willingly tweets and feel the cold grip of fear around your neck? Me too! So the way I’m coping with his “Civil War” thread is to make jokes about Marvel! For context, the President of the United States is out here saying that if he is impeached (despite it being a CREDIBLE IMPEACHMENT), a Civil War would break out. Meaning he basically thinks we’re never getting him out of that White House.

….If the Democrats are successful in removing the President from office (which they will never be), it will cause a Civil War like fracture in this Nation from which our Country will never heal.” Pastor Robert Jeffress, @FoxNews

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) September 30, 2019

Now, that’s absolutely terrifying. Threatening a Civil War because you (allegedly) did something illegal? That doesn’t sound like something someone of sound and present mind would send out into the Twitterverse. And thinking about the probability of Trump’s tweet becoming a reality is sending me into a spiral of anxiety.

So, here is my idea: You have permission to ignore this. You can ignore Donald Trump literally threatening the United States with another Civil War and you can ignore the frenzy his supporters are getting stirred up into. If that sounds good to you, I suggest all talk of a second Civil War gets diverted away from Tump’s tweets and instead goes to discussing a sequel to the best Captain America movie. No, not The Winter Soldier (I know you all love it, leave me alone). I’m talking about the iconic, the brilliant Captain America: Civil War.

Marvel fanfic is always better than Trump’s ramblings, so let’s dive in.

Let’s, for a moment, pretend that all this talk is about a follow up to one of my favorite Marvel movies. The last we saw them, Tony Stark and Steve Rogers were dead and dying after Avengers: Endgame but what if, like Black Widow, we went back before Thanos ever made it to earth and saw the two deal with their issues? Or, I don’t know, a multiverse exists just make this an alternate movie.

There, Tony and Steve continue their battle of egos, their raging war of wills and stick by their guns. Tony thinks he is right, Steve believes in what he’s standing for, but the twist comes when an evil man who spews racist, sexist, homophobic, and everything wrong with the world-ist words at those he deems less than himself (which is hilarious seeing as he’s orange and has Ramen noodle hair).

With a monster like that in charge, Tony Stark and Steve Rogers would have to put their differences aside, realize their mistakes, and reform the Avengers to take down this Cheeto of a man.

Is this a stupid coping mechanism to pretend like the world is not literally on fire because the president is threatening a war around us right now? Most definitely! But coping mechanisms are necessary, especially at times like these, so I’m going to ignore all these Civil War tweets and maybe even go home tonight and watch Captain America: Civil War again just to make myself feel better.

Anyway, the president is terrifying. Happy Monday!

(image: Marvel Entertainment)

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