For those of us who prefer to be naughty over nice this holiday season, I have created the definitive ranking of one of film and television’s greatest villains of all time: Tim Motherlovin’ Curry! Known for his distinctive voice and throaty chuckle, Curry has made a career of creating characters that we love to hate and hate to love.
A true legend of stage and screen, he has lent his talents to over 200 hundred roles throughout his 50-year career, but I have managed to narrow down his top 10 most villainous onscreen roles. I chose to stick to just his film career (though he has an extensive list of animated television credits) with perhaps one iconic horror miniseries popping in. And naturally, the metric I have chosen for our tasty bad boy is this: Just how delicious was he?
So, I give to you the DEFINITIVE ranking of Tim Curry’s villains from least to most delicious!
10. Herkermer Homolka – Congo
Possibly one of Curry’s least delicious roles of all time (aside from Nigel Thornberry). From his ridiculous Romanian accent to his whining and cowardly scheming, Homolka is a great villain (that’s right, I don’t consider the murderous white gorillas villains! They are guardians of sacred indigenous space and are just doing their jobs!,) but he’s definitely not a delicious one.
9. The Concierge – Home Alone 2
A secondary villain to our iconic Wet Bandits, the concierge is still a thorn in Kevin McCallister’s tiny side. Sure, he’s just doing his job, but he does seem to take a smug satisfaction in trying to oust a small child from his fancy hotel, which … fair. Kids are annoying (and destructive) as hell.
But he gets his comeuppance when McCallister uses one of his tried and true stunts on him. The concierge is fairly delicious, but points have to be deducted for the veiled homophobia underlying the main gag of this scene. It is 2019 now, after all.
8. Rooster – Annie
Raise your hand if you briefly had a crush on Rooster when you were a child! Oh, just me? Well, fine. Curry is in full sleazy ne’er do well mode as Rooster, the brother of orphanage mistress Mrs Hannigan, and nothing gets him hornier than planning to exploit a child as a means of defrauding a billionaire! Just singing about it sends him and Bernadette Peters into a fit of erotic ecstasy, and with his sister in the room! Truly delicious.
7. Pennywise – IT
Beep beep Richie! Tim Curry has played so many iconic villains that, from this point onward, the deliciousness ranking is really a matter of splitting hairs—including his nightmare-inducing performance as the original Pennywise the clown from Stephen King’s IT. Curry is chewing up both the scenery and the children, but I just can’t bring myself to labeling a clown as fully delicious. Joker stans, don’t @ me!
6. Darkness – Legend
Now, these are some colorful prosthetics that I can get behind! Just think of the things that can be done with that big, red, Jay Leno chin! Even though Darkness is the literal, goat-hoofed devil, he is delicious with a capital D. You could say that, much like Black Philip, Darkness “lives deliciously.” And all he wants is to seduce and marry Lili so that she can also live the delicious life while he rules the world! That’s all!
5. Wadsworth – Clue
One of my very favorite movies of all time, Clue boasts an incredible ensemble cast, but Curry is truly the shining star as the butler, Wadsworth (and in one ending, revealed to be Mr. Body himself!). The “straight man” is a challenging role in any comedy, let alone one packed with stars like Madeleine Khan, Christopher Lloyd, and Michael McKean, but Curry deftly swims (and in some cases, runs) through it all without breaking a sweat and looking like he’s having the time of his goddamn life.
4. Long John Silver – Muppet Treasure Island
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nrj8EZm9ca8
The alternate title of this article is “Oops! All of my Most Confusing Childhood Crushes Were Played by Tim Curry,” and his Long John Silver is no exception! He truly relishes playing the most dastardly of pirates and seems to delight in the fact that his cutthroat crew are all furry puppet monsters. Honestly, if he asked me to join his buccaneer bandwagon, I would join in a heart beat. Jim Hawkins is a real ding dong for saying no.
3. Cardinal Richelieu – The Three Musketeers
We are in the top 3 now, and things are heating up!!! So, obviously, the #3 spot goes to the horniest, most power-hungry clergy man who ever lived: Cardinal Richelieu of Disney’s horniest live-action The Three Musketeers. Richelieu lusts for power, gold, wine, food, and especially women! At one point he makes a pass at both Countess D’Winter AND the Queen. He is living his delicious-ass life to the fullest! You can tell by his wardrobe. Official garb or not, there is nothing more delicious than red satin.
2. Hexxus – FernGully
The only animated film to make the list (though Curry is a legendary voice actor, as well), FernGully comes in strong at #2 because deliciousness oozes out of every slimy pore of the pollution monster known as Hexxus. His song is full of the hungriest, and horniest, double entendres as he yearns to devour the rain forest he has been trapped in. Love can be both toxic and delicious at the same time! That’s why we love a bad boy. Also, please watch this bonus video of Curry in the booth singing “Toxic Love,” because he is LIVING FOR IT.
1. Dr. Frank-N-furter – The Rocky Horror Picture Show
I mean, this was the obvious winner. Frank is living his most glorious and indulgent life in RHPS, and we are just lucky that we get to witness it. The opening credits do point out that he is “the hero … that’s right! The hero!” after all. He seduces everyone, eats delicious meals, and looks fabulous the entire time. Unfortunately, it’s too good to last, and his vanity, along with the jealousy of his underlings, leads to his downfall.
But this holiday season, raise a glass and toast to a true legend and icon: Tim Curry!
(featured image: Columbia Pictures, Disney, 20th Century Fox, ABC, Paramount Pictures)
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Published: Dec 24, 2019 12:30 pm