Ask the Mary Sues: What Fictional Character Would You Like To Take on a Date This Valentine’s Day?

It’s Valentine’s weekend and given the fact that we’ve been stuck inside for nearly a year, we could all probably do with a little extra fantasy. And since so many of us have spent the pandemic bingeing all the pop culture we can get our hands on, why not include those fictional friends in that fantasizing?

I asked my fellow Mary Sues which fictional character they’d like to take on a date this Valentine’s Day and what they’d do on that date. Did I basically ask my colleagues to write self-insert fanfiction? Yes! And I stand by it.

Here are our fictional dream dates:

Rachel Leishman:

image: LucasFilm

If I could take any fictional character on a date, I would instantly ask Din Djarin. Sure, I love many a man in the fictional world but most are happily taken and I can’t take Ben Wyatt from Leslie Knope. My thinking though? I could definitely help Din cope with his son, Grogu, going off to school (help me). But still, the brilliance of our date would be unmatched. We’d go to some wonderful planet, bring some broth with us, and enjoy dinner out in some field where he either finally takes off the helmet or sips his soup by barely lifting it. A dream.

Briana Lawrence:

I think I’d normally say Hawks or Mirko because, well, it’s Hawks and Mirko, but with the way things have been for the past year (omg) I think I need a laid back person in my life. Hence my choice for Aizawa. He’s so chill, and would probably be content to spend a good portion of the date napping with me and my cats. At some point, we’d get out of bed, maybe, but we’d just make it as far as the couch and laze around some more. The ideal date, tbh.

Princess Weekes:

image: ABC

Regina Mills in Once Upon a Time is a heartbroken woman who has watched two of her male lovers die. Well, it is time for her to be loved once more. However, we gotta get the queen in therapy first. I will support her and be just a friend through that period until she is ready to try dating again. For our first date, we would go apple picking because I think she’d get a kick out of that. Then we’d take Henry to the park and enjoy the mom time. I guess Emma could come.

Dan Van Winkle:

via GIPHY

Lmao, probably Peach? Of course, we would ride go-karts, play tennis and soccer and board games, etc. The Mario series has given us a pretty good idea of what its characters do in their free time. Plus, as a bonus, I think I’d get to date Mario and Bowser, too?

Jess Mason:

image: Disney

I will admit that I know this is a BAD choice for a number of reasons but … Loki. Now hear me out. I know it would never work out between Loki and I, given that I’m pretty gay (though Loki has been and can be any and all genders) and I don’t think Loki would be a a particularly good boyfriend but a date would be fun! We could get up to all kinds of mischief or time travel and I could make a misguided attempt to help him process his childhood trauma and maybe we could hug or cry!

Vivian Kane:

image: Supergiant Games

Maybe it’s just that I’ve spent more time playing Hades than doing basically anything else these last few months, but I’d like to take Zagreus on a date. We’d wander through the underworld and he could introduce me to some of his relatives on our way to join Eurydice for a homecooked meal–let’s invite Orpheus too and make it a double date. Afterward, I’d obviously like to see Zag’s palace (and pet Cerberus!) and if Megaera and/or Thanatos happens to join us at any point, well, that sounds like a swell time.

Your turn! Tell us about your dream fictional date in the comments.

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