It’s odd to have a fat-shaming story so specific that you remember the month and the year it happened, but hey, my Tumblr account was pretty wild in October 2013. I’d shared an old cosplay of mine that September (Princess Peach from Super Smash Brothers) and it got noticed by an account bigger than mine. And if you’re a fat Black woman on the Internet you know how the rest of the story goes.
What makes this story stand out to me isn’t so much the fact that it was the first time I’d gotten bashed on the Internet, it was the fact that I wasn’t even surprised that it happened. Shaming fat bodies is just something I’d come to expect since, well, ever.
Princess Peach isn’t the only cosplay I’ve done that has attracted social media hate, nor is cosplay the only way I’ve experienced fat-shaming. If anything, it was just a continuation of what I’d dealt with growing up. Instead of having the comments said to my face as they had been prior to the Internet, there was now a screen between me and the person who called me a whale or a cow or an (insert chunky animal here). I’d already seen fat characters on TV get mocked by everyone—including the characters’ friends and family—and had seen the “very special episodes” where the main character is applauded for standing up for the fat girl … after bemoaning her existence, of course.
Over the years, I’ve gotten used to seeing plus-sized women share these negative experiences, which is why I’m so ready for more shows to unapologetically tell us that we are fine the way we are and actually mean it. I’d seen shows that claimed to champion ALL women turn around and be meanspirited to the one woman who, honestly, still wasn’t as big as me, but was as close as I was gonna get on television. There was always this “that’s the way the world is” message, a “you need to know what you’re getting into” vibe, but damnit, we already KNOW that, so what do we DO about it?
Why do we need the constant reminders, the moments where the one fat reality show contestant isn’t accommodated the ways other girls in the house are? Why does she always have to talk about the struggle instead of being made to feel comfortable enough to go beyond it?
This is why Lizzo’s Watch Out for the Big Grrrls spoke to me.
As a reality series where the singing sensation is looking for the next girl (or girls) to join her dancers, right off the bat we’re told that Lizzo is doing this because going through traditional routes (like an agency) doesn’t get her the body diversity that she wants. So she’s decided to gather a group of girls of all shapes, sizes, and backgrounds to see who has what it takes. What’s truly stunning to watch is how much the series reassures the girls (and big girls everywhere) that they are enough, with teachers who actually listen and lessons that work to make everyone feel better about themselves.
Any body can do this
The first thing that surprised me about the series was the fact that it really did have a range of sizes. I’m used to body inclusivity stopping at a certain point (usually around the 2–3X size range) so I was floored to see my body type ACTUALLY represented on the show. It’s nice to see “inclusivity” really FEEL like inclusivity, especially when I realized that none of these plus-sized women were made to feel like their weight was a hindrance—even if they were doing something as physically demanding as dancing. Like any physical activity, it takes work and a whole lot of stamina which, surprise (not really, everyone on the show already knows this), a fat person can be fit enough to move around a whole lot. Any form of working out on the show was always for the purpose of building up endurance because when you’re dancing for 90-minute concerts, you’re gonna need it. It’s something that any dancer would have to work on.
You have to love yourself first and foremost
There are a lot of moments where the girls will do something just so they can be reassured that they are loved. What’s nice about these special “love your body” moments is that Lizzo will either do the activity with them, or it’s something she’s already done before herself.
The series feels genuine because whenever we get a moment where a girl goes into the negativity she’s faced about her body, Lizzo can relate. I’ve already talked about my ongoing frustrations of typically seeing Lizzo trending because someone has something nasty to say, so it’s comforting to see a host say “I get it” and sincerely mean it. This is why so much of the show is focused on getting the girls to fully embrace their bodies. It’s really damn hard to get anything done when you don’t see the value in yourself.
Fat bodies are not to blame for the hate they receive
One thing that fat-shaming does (at least in my experience) is make you blame yourself for the hate you receive—especially when it’s said under the guise of “concern.” Because folks so often form an opinion of me based solely on the way I look, I would push myself harder to prove to them that I could do the thing they said I couldn’t.
Because of the pressure I’d put on myself to show that I wasn’t a fat, lazy so and so, I would be completely devastated if I did something wrong or didn’t succeed at the thing I was trying to do. It would feel like all of those derogatory comments were right about me. Even worse? I’d assume that the person I was trying to impress would blame my shortcomings on my weight.
This is something that’s addressed on the show a lot, as the girls would tend to be EXTREMELY hard on themselves if they messed up … even if it was the first time they were learning a routine. There are a lot of times when Lizzo or an instructor is telling them to get out of their head, and honestly, at the end of the day, the thing holding them back would often be self-doubt. They were aware of it, too, but it’s hard to get out of that space when you’ve been told that’s where you belong because of the way you look.
Adjustments can be made for you
There are a couple of moments where girls deal with injuries, as is to be expected with dance. They immediately try and play it off and push through. It reminded me so much of all the times when I was at my limit, but I would tell myself to keep going so it didn’t look like the fat girl was giving up.
Then, something pretty incredible happened on the show. When a girl mentioned being worried about her ankle, the instructor changed her routine so she didn’t hurt herself.
Something similar happens when the girls are told that they’re doing a nude photoshoot. The idea is to help them realize the beauty of their body, but not every girl is comfortable doing it. The response? Go up to your comfort level. No one is given a hard time for deciding to cover up with a sheet or underwear, it’s completely up to them because they get to define what stepping out of their comfort zone is. For some, it’s being completely naked. Others? A bra and panties.
Watching fat women being accommodated really reaffirms the notion that we are allowed to take up space, and hell, we’re not asking for all that much. The guilt I would feel for things like “sitting next to someone on an airplane” or “bumping into a person while walking” or “being too big for the biggest size” is honestly still something I’m working on, but watching fat women make reasonable requests and have those requests honored shows that I’m not in the wrong for wanting some room.
It’s okay to be vulnerable
With the body positivity moment comes a message of being strong so you can prove the haters wrong, and you know what? I’m tired. I’m tired of having to persevere because of someone else’s assumptions about me before they even get to know me. I’m fat. I’m Black. I’m bisexual. I’m a woman. And with all of those labels comes a whole lot of shitty takes about me, and I’m getting tired of having to turn on the sass to get people on board with treating me like a person who’s trying to navigate through life.
While this series does have those “fuck the haters” moments, it balances them with the girls being allowed to scream, cry, whatever it is they need to do to release the toxicity they’ve been holding onto for so long. We don’t have to be strong all the damn time, and we shouldn’t have to be. Frankly, having to “be strong” just so you can live your life is disheartening. So yes, Lizzo champions these girls being “bad bitches” but she also champions them having a good, hard cry session. You can’t bottle those feelings up, you have to let them go.
Truth be told, this series feels like an anomaly when it comes to what I’m used to with reality TV and its treatment of fat women. I wondered if the network realized what they were putting on the air. Sure, there are the clashing personalities in the house that you expect, but it doesn’t feel excessive, and there’s a much stronger message of fat women being capable of doing the things that society says they can’t, and fat women being worthy of some basic human decency.
(Image: Amazon Prime Video)
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Published: Apr 20, 2022 05:02 pm