How The %$&^ Will Wolverine Be In The New Deadpool Movie?

Wait, I thought that guy died?

Yeah he did! Wolverine totally died! But why don’t I remember how…?

WAIT. It’s coming back to me! That’s RIGHT. HE DIED AT THE END OF LOGAN. I REMEMBER NOW. Lol that’s weird, why didn’t I remember that? It’s almost like I blocked it out … like a … traumatic memory … but Wolverine’s death wasn’t that bad … right?

…

OH GOD I REMEMBER EVERYTHING.

*cries in the corner for an hour and change*

How dare they… how DARE the people at Marvel bring back Wolverine after TRAUMATIZING ME LIKE THAT. How are they gonna fucking retcon this one, huh?

Is Logan in another universe?

Let me guess, it’s some fucking heeby-deeby parallel universe Doctor Strange shit? The MCU is all about the multiverse right now, with alternate realities all over the place, and an alternate Wolverine has already been spotted in She-Hulk! Or maybe the writers will bring in some C list characters to play grab-ass with some infinity stones and bring him back by mistake? Or maybe they’ll just push his STILL WARM CORPSE into a LAZARUS PIT and be done with it! WAIT that’s a Batman thing. ARE YOU HAPPY MARVEL? I’M SO UPSET I’M MXING UP MY FANDOMS. THAT’S D.C. AND YES THE D.C. MOVIES AREN’T AS GOOD BUT LEAST D.C. HAS NEVER BETRAYED ME LIKE THIS.

*hyperventilates. catches breath*

Or they could do it as a prequel…

Yeah… a PREQUEL TO LOGAN, WHICH TAKES PLACE IN 2029! THE MCU IS CURRENTLY SET IN THE YEAR 2024 OR 2025! THAT’S A GREAT IDEA. THAT WAY IT DOESN’T TARNISH WOLVERINE’S BEAUTIFUL, HEART OBLITERATING DEATH AT THE END OF THE WHAT IS ARGUABLY THE GREATEST MARVEL MOVIE IN EXISTENCE. Love it. I’m on board. But how are they gonna do that?

WAIT MORE MEMORIES ARE COMING BACK *eyes roll into back of skull*

Time travel! That’s it!

I’m seeing… Deadpool! It’s fuzzy, but I think it’s the end of Deadpool 2. Deadpool just finished traveling a long distance. A distance not countable in miles… but in years. THAT’S IT. HE WENT BACK TO THE PAST AT THE END OF DEADPOOL 2. AND YES! HE MET WOLVERINE IN THE PAST. IT’S ALL THERE. IT ALL MAKES SENSE.

*tears of joy stream from eyes*

Yes, that’s how the writers will do it! Deadpool 3 will take place in the past! He’ll meet Wolverine again. So young. So full of life. And then they’ll be happy. They’ll say witty one liners and kill people and be happy. Maybe they’ll even kiss. And they’ll have so long of a time to spend with each other. Deadpool 2 takes place in 2018, a decade before Logan. Even if they return to Deadpool’s present they’ll be alive and happy. And I too will be happy again. I will finally… be…happy.

*dies from sheer joy*

(Featured Image: JEWEL SAMAD/AFP/Getty Images)