We Took on the Impossible Job of Ranking the Cutest, Most Loveable Cow Squishmallows

Cow print may be over but cows will be cute forever (have you seen all the videos of them cuddling with people in meadows? Adorable, iconic). While you obviously can’t keep a cow in your apartment (no, not even a mini cow like Poppy and Petunia), you can fill the void with as many plush toy cows as your hot little hands (or bank account) can handle. And if you want the cutest, softest cow plushies to comfort you over you can’t have a real cow (yet) and spur you on in your plans for forming some sort of anarchist dairy commune out in the countryside, then obviously they’ve got to be Squishmallows.

If you’re asking what a Squishmallow is, I’m assuming you’re buying one for someone else and have probably googled that phrase or something like it to get here, but I’ll help you out. Squishmallows are a ridiculously collectible, absurdly soft line of plush toys filled with the squishiest, pillowiest stuffing under the softest plush. With cute cartoony faces, minimalist, often bizarrely egg-shaped designs and engaging backstories Squishmallows are too adorable not to hoard (I say, from my blanket nest full of them as I plan to buy more.) So here are the best, cutest, most huggable cow Squishmallows for you or whoever you’re trying to buy a gift for available right now.

10) Candela

Released as part of the 2023 Valentine’s Day collection, Candela is a brown Highland cow with a fuzzy rainbow tummy and matching fringe, iridescent white horns and sparkly hearts on her stomach. Her bio tells us she’s a theatre usher and thinks it’s the best job in the world, which as it apparently involves free candy, meeting all the actors, and getting to watch plays for free sounds about right. She’s also always left two tickets at the box office just for you so that’s nice. If only we lived in Squishmallow land.

9) Caedyn

Another Valentine’s Squad member, Caedyn is a pink and white cow, and her nostrils are little pink hearts! Cute! She loves making apple pies, watching horror movies, and sharing both things at once with her friends. Honestly that sounds like a great idea for a date or group movie night so if you know how to bake then presenting someone you like with Caedyn and a homemade apple pie would be a pretty slick first move.

8) Evangelica with Pink Fuzzy Belly

So it looks like pink cow print won’t be going anywhere as long as Squishmallows have anything to say about it. 11-inch Evangelica also comes with a plain white stomach but this version with the pink fuzzy belly is just a little bit cuter, and the long fur makes a great fidget/stim texture to fiddle with while you’re watching TV or falling asleep. Her bio is a little Inception-y; apparently in Squishmallow land there are nonsentient non-Squishmallow animals that need looking after by Squishmallows? It’s all very alarming but Evangelica works on a rescue farm and loves animals so much that she reads them bedtime stories at night.

7) Rondah Longhorn

A white Highland cow, Rondah has a rainbow stomach, pink sparkly horns, and a brilliant rainbow mohawk on top of her head. This 14-inch Squishmallow is apparently a professional astrologer who doesn’t cope well with mercury retrograde! She also makes her own candles (of course) and loves going to taco trucks. She sounds like the perfect Valentine’s Day gift for a cow-loving astrology babe/witchtoker but hey, I’m just saying.

6) Griella

A brown cow with a rainbow cow print stomach and a little rainbow bow on her head, Griella is winking at you! At 7.5 inches, some would say the cutest, roundest size, she seems like a fun co-conspirator. Her bio says she’s a foodie who loves lazy Sundays with breakfast in bed followed by going to her favorite sandwich shop. Her evenings involve karaoke, concerts, or just driving in a car with the music on loud and she loves to sing along.

5) 2023 Valentine’s Day Squad Evangelica

Yes she’s back again, and this time she’s holding a love heart that says “dream big” on it. The pink and white cow print is just really cute, alright? And I couldn’t decide between fuzzy pink belly or aspirational messaging so you get both. This Evangelica is 12 inches tall so there’s a lot of her to hug.

4) Easter Egg Connor

One of the earlier Squishmallows, this variant of Connor the Cow is sitting inside an Easter Egg and it’s really darling. It looks a little like the Easter version of a Christmas sweater! Connor is a competitive cyclist and apparently likes puns as he claims his favorite state is Cowlifornia (groan). Though regular Connor comes in all sizes this version is only available in 5 and 8 inches.

3) Reshma the Strawberry Cow

Reshma is a pink cow who loves riding her motorcycle to strawberry fields, where she can pick a punnet full of berries to make strawberry shortcake. This eight-inch variant also features a strawberry on her stomach which is a cute little extra. A Hot Topic exclusive, she’s pretty rare now and so unfortunately pretty expensive but for the die-hard Squishmallow collector, that’s going to be worth it.

2) Zinabell

One of the funky Squish-doos, a range with wild hair, Zinabell is a 20-inch brown cow with an amazing red punk hairstyle that sticks straight up. Her bio doesn’t seem to be available online, and she seems pretty rare so if you want her, grab her soon.

1) Wilfrid

Finally we have Wilfrid, a brown Highland Cow with a fuzzy brown stomach, light brown fringe across his forehead, and sparkly silver horns. Available in a range of sizes Wilfrid is almost spherical rather than the classic egg shape, and he has a really cute little smile. According to his bio, he’s made of infectious energy and joy, and he enjoys quality time with friends, playing catch, and late-night snacks. His favorite things are great big bear hugs!

(featured image: iStock / Getty Images Plus)