Look, the nicest thing that can be said about Congressman Jim Jordan is that he’s not the worst person to come out of the state of Ohio because Jeffrey Dahmer grew up there. He’s a bad guy who has been accused of covering up sexual abuse at Ohio State University and generally has terrible views. He also decided that rules and laws are for thee and not he when he decided to ignore a subpoena from the House January 6th Panel for the past year and a half. Basically, he’s your stereotypical mean, hateful GOP Congressman.
Now, it’s easy for me to sit back on my couch and say all these things because I don’t have to deal with Jim Jordan every day as I am blessed not to live in Ohio. (Sorry Ohioans, but your summers are too hot, your winters are too long, and chili and spaghetti don’t go together.) Imagine what it’s like having to go to work every day and put up with Jim Jordan’s general Jim Jordan-ness. That hell is an actual reality for California Congressman Eric Swalwell, and it seems he’s finally reached his breaking point with Jim. Keep in mind Jordan was elected to the Hosue in 2006 and Swalwell in 2012, so this has probably been a long time coming.
Earlier this week, Attorney General Merrick Garland was called to testify in front of the House Judiciary Committee, of which Jordan is the chair and Swalwell is a member. Garland was called to testify because the Republicans are trying to turn Hunter Biden’s legal troubles into the next “but her emails” and if you believe that anything Hunter Biden does impacts our government, I would like to ask you about your experiences with drinking bleach during the pandemic and where you were on January 6th, but I digress.
The point is, the whole thing is a farce, and Swalwell is over the Republican theatrics. I’m not saying every Republican is complicit in the insurrection on January 6, 2021, but as a reminder, Jim Jordan had a 10-minute phone call with Donald Trump that day, so you know, he has some explaining to do. Only he won’t explain because he refused to testify to the panel. So here we are.
Look, I once had a co-worker who made my skin crawl, and it was clear he liked inflicting emotional pain on the women in the office, and the leadership in charge refused to do anything about it. So naturally, I started a rumor that this guy was probably an alien sent here to observe human interactions and was doing a bad job at it. Now, I’m not saying it was the sole reason, but within the month of starting that rumor, he was fired.
Unfortunately, it’s pretty clear the firing managers overseeing Jordan (which I guess would be Ohio voters) are happy with his job, since he keeps on getting elected, so that option’s out for Swalwell. Instead, the Democrat gets to focus on being openly hostile to Jordan at their mutual place of work, and honestly? Good on ya! He sucks, let him have it!
Jordan left the door wide open for Swalwell to do just that during the Garland hearing, and Swalwell took full advantage of the opportunity, complete with a “Jordan’s Subpoena Evasion” clock he presumably had made special. I don’t know why but Congress loves props! Watch for yourself:
Now you may notice Jordan laughing at Swalwell when the camera panned out to him. This is generally the only resort for cowards and bullies. Sure, it’s infuriating, and my own inclination is to prefer crappy people I don’t like to shake their fists in the air like Scooby Doo villains whenever they’re called out for their bad behavior because I find it personally amusing. But what do you expect from Jim Jordan? A dynamic personality he is not. A smarter, savvier person would not leave the door wide open for someone like Swawell to waltz on in and point out all your deficiencies as a leader and human being on an international stage in the first place.
This is not the first time Swalwell has pointed out Jordan is evading a subpoena, here’s a clip from back in March when he did the same thing:
Yes, I know what you’re thinking because I was thinking it too so I Googled it: Eric Swalwell has a law degree. Call me bananas, but I feel like only a lawyer would use a subpoena dodge as their bugbear. Not that it’s not egregious, but a non-lawyer would opt for a “that guy sucks and I hate him” ad hominem attack. Swalwell’s rhetoric is just too calm and collected not to be honed in law school is my point.
As long as these two men are in Congress together, I think it’s safe to say Swalwell will continue to point out what a terrible person Jordan is, and how he’s a subpoena dodger. (You might remember that Swalwell also turned his ire on Kevin McCarthy recently, calling the House Speaker a “p*ssy” on the floor of Congress.)
Whether Jordan finally crumples under the weight of that and starts hitting himself like Marky Mark in Fear is anyone’s guess. All I can tell you is if that happens, Swalwell will have won that day. Let’s hope it’s on video so we can all revel in it as well.
(Featured Image: Photo by Drew Angerer/Getty Images, Anna Moneymaker/Getty Images)
Published: Sep 22, 2023 05:01 pm