Sorry, ‘Fire Emblem.’ I Have a New RPG Obsession

Move over Fire Emblem, Unicorn Overlord is coming to the Nintendo Switch, and it’s gonna be one of the system’s biggest tactical RPG titles yet. Unicorn Overlord is gonna have it all! Action! Romance! Political intrigue! Angels! Furries! And hours and hours of turn based tactical combat! It’s a Unicorn OverLOAD.

I’m not talking about some sweet and gentle children’s TV kind of unicorns (that were canceled for whack ass0reasons). Or this totally babygirl-coded human unicorn sailing on the high seas (RIP). I’m talking about the unicorns of war. Just as dangerous as the war horses of old, but even pointier! These ungulates don’t need swordsmen riding on their backs! THEY BROUGHT THEIR OWN. ON THEIR FOREHEADS.

What is Unicorn Overlord?

Unicorn Overload was a game that was first conceived in the mind of Vanillaware’s Takayuki Noma in 2014. That’s right! A decade ago! A magical time known as the mid-2010s, before the 45th president and our current global pandemic. A time when perhaps there was enough magic in the world for unicorns to actually exist … but no more. Now we must turn our eyes to the fantasy world of Fevrith in order to find any shred of magical wonder. But even in Fevrith times are tough. The evil General Valmore has taken over the five kingdoms of Fevrith, and the deposed prince Alain must reunite the shattered kingdoms in order to overthrow the tyrant’s tyrannical tyranny!

What’s the gameplay like?

Players will guide Alain and has army across Fevrith, liberating towns and kingdoms along the way. The overworld map has a bevy of quaint little places where Alain can outfit his army with new recruits, new equipment, and maybe treat them all to a little bed and breakfast! As he journeys from place to place, his armies will grow stronger and stronger, allowing him a shot at victory in the…

BATTLE STAGE!!!

In the battle stage of gameplay, Alain’s army and the armies of his enemies will maneuver around a map in order to capture key command posts. While no two battles are exactly alike, victory is achieved when Alain’s army satisfies a group of conditions. Those conditions may be met when all of the enemy’s command posts are captured, or when a certain number of the enemy has been routed, or both!

Alain’s army is broken up into smaller units on the battlefield—small (hopefully) balanced groups of warriors and spell casters that you (the player) preselected and designed before entering the battle. Your job as commander is to make sure that your units are tactically sound—made up of the right members for a particular role on the battlefield—and that they are deployed strategically against the enemy’s units. It’s like chess, except if you had whole groups of rooks and pawns and queens! But so does the enemy!

Who are the major characters?

The exiled prince Alain is the game’s main protagonist. After losing his mother to General Valmore’s assault and being forced to flee from his native kingdom of Cornia, Alain was taken to the island of Palevia and taught battlefield skills by a kindly knight named Josef. At the ripe old age of 17, Alain decides to leave the safety of his island and take up sword and shield reclaim his kingdom! Alain is joined by….

Scarlett: a priestess of the Palevian Church, who has trained from birth in the Palevian Orthodoxy’s mystical arts! A childhood friend of Alain (and a shoe in for Best Girl) she decides to leave the island of Palevia and join Alain on his quest. She wields a sweet ass staff that looks capable of unknown magics.

Lex: The Ron Weasley of the game! Lex is a ginger haired fisherman’s son who studied under the tutelage of Josef alongside Alain. The pair are besties, and Lex joins Alain on his quest. Like Alain, he wields a sword and shield in combat.

Josef: Alain’s battlefield mentor and surrogate daddy, Josef is a wizened old knight who teaches Alain everything he knows about swordsmanship and leadership. He’s a knight in the most classic sense. Noble, bold, and he even has an armored horsey! Not a unicorn, sadly…

Galerius: The game’s big bad. Emperor of the Zenoiran Empire and a total dick. He killed Alain‘s mom, Queen Illenia in order to gain control over the kingdom of Cornia. Has a really, REALLY big axe.

Chloe: One of Alain’s companions. She is a daughter of a friend of Josef and later became his apprentice. She wields polearms in battle (pikes and halberds and that biz).

Clive: Clive was a young knight in the days of fallen Cornia, and served directly under Josef. He’s giving Draco Malfoy if his dad loved him vibes. He wields a spear in battle.

Hodrick: Big man on campus. Hodrick is built like a linebacker and has a Cool Diagonal Face Scar. He was a personal guard of the fallen queen (didn’t do a very good job I guess) and was captured by Galerius. He awaits Alain’s liberation, where it looks like his shield, spear, and heavy armor will make him the perfect tank.

Melisandre: Head of House Meillet, one of Cornia’s most distinguished families. She lost her mom and dad to illness, and was raised by her aunt an uncle from a young age. Apparently somebody gave her a sword—sounds like a crazy uncle thing to do. Judging by the fact that she only uses a long, thin sword with no shield or armor, I’d wage she’s pretty damn good with it.

Travis: This cloak and dagger man got the memo and came equipped with a literal cloak and dagger. Travis is a spy in the Cornian Liberation Army, doing behind the scenes Metal Gear Solid type of wetwork. So many enemy backs that remain unstabbed! But Travis is working on that.

Yahna: Yahna is a young witch living in the swamps whose full time job is to serve. Horned witch hat? Black and gold bikini? Green cloak? And those NAILS? EASILY the most fashionable character in the game. Aside from turning lewks, Yahna spends her time studying the thaumaturgical arts. MAGIC. After the mad general rounds up all the witches in the swamps and puts them in captivity, Yahna escapes in the most classic witch way possible: by turning into a cat. Judging by her cool bat staff, she likely deals in offensive black magic.

Note: these are only a few of the characters that appear in the game. Alain has plenty more hotties he can meet (and mack on). The game will also feature a marriage system using The Ring of the Unicorn, which is a special ring held by Alain and The Ring of the Maiden which is a ring held by Alain’s counterpart. Should Alain max out his rapport with a companion, they can exchange rings and engage in a ceremony called the Rite of the Covenant. It’s marriage, y’all. However, I can’t tell if Alain can get gay married. I’m concerned that the Ring of the Maiden may only be available to give to girl characters, but I’m REALLY HOPING that the boys can end up becoming Alain’s Best Girl too.

Is there a trailer?

Unicorn Overlord will be available on Nintendo Switch, PS5, PS4, and Xbox on March 8.

(featured image: Atlus)