The AI-Generated Script From the Fake Willy Wonka Experience Is Beyond Wild

Willy’s Chocolate Experience, an AI-generated disaster that recently went down in Glasgow, Scotland, is going to dominate the news cycle for weeks. Why? Because every time we think we’ve learned the most bonkers thing about the whole fiasco, something even more wild comes out.

What is it now, you ask? One of the actors hired to put on the experience has leaked the script they were given two days before the event—and it’s even worse than you might think.

But let me back up for a second. Willy’s Chocolate Experience, which is not affiliated with the actual Willy Wonka franchise, was an immersive experience created by a company called House of Illuminati. The company is run by a guy named Billy Coull, who has also published AI-generated books of conspiracy theories. The marketing materials for the event promised a “chocolate experience like never before,” with AI-generated images of a candy-filled landscape. Families who paid £35 (about $44) for tickets apparently didn’t notice the bizarre typos on the website, like the phrases “Encherining Entertainment” and “exarserdray lollipops.”

When they got there, attendees found a bare warehouse with tarps pinned to the walls and props strewn around the floor. Someone had set out a ball pit in a wading pool, and a table held plastic cups of lemonade. People were so angry that they called the police to force House of Illuminati to give refunds.

In short, it was like the Fyre Festival, but for kids!

Now, the actors who were hired to staff the experience are starting to speak out. One actor, Jenny Fogarty, told The Scotsman that she was given a 15-page script to memorize the night before the event. Another actor posted a PDF of the script itself to the Facebook group House of Illuminati Scam. The script features Wonka knockoff characters like “Willy McDuff” and “Wonkidoodles.”

Reading it, you can tell that it was pretty obviously written by an AI bot. How? Well, for starters, it gives stage directions and lines … to the audience.

Willy McDuff: (beckoning the guests inside) Now, who among you dares to taste the fruits of our imagination? Step right up and prepare for a flavor adventure unlike any other!

(The guests eagerly approach a table laden with the described sweets, each picking their choice with a mix of excitement and trepidation.)

Guest 1: (trying the soup-flavored jelly bean) It’s like… dinner in a dessert. Astonishing!

Guest 2: (braving the Boogerberry Bean) Oh, wow! It’s oddly… gorgeous? How is that possible?

(Laughter and surprised exclamations fill the room as the guests indulge in the whimsical treats.)

In other parts, the script seems to think the event is some kind of movie, with scenes that fade into each other. There are numerous references to props, sets, and special effects that don’t actually exist.

Willy McDuff: (suddenly brightening) Speaking of light spirits, I find myself quite parched after our…unexpected adventure. But fortune smiles upon us, for just beyond this door lies a room filled with refreshments most delightful—the Bubble and Lemonade Room!

(With a flourish, Willy opens a previously unnoticed door, revealing a room where the air sparkles with floating bubbles, and rivers of sparkling lemonade flow freely.)

There’s also some kind of storyline with a character called the Unknown. Frankly, I don’t have the patience to try and make sense of that whole thing, but if you’re feeling called, go for it. On social media, there’s a video of the Unknown popping out from behind a mirror and making several kids cry.

According to Fogarty’s comments to The Scotsman, the actors were eventually told to disregard the script and just wing it on the day of the event. Honestly, I would have paid $44 to watch them try to act this thing out.

Unfortunately, this chapter of Willy’s Chocolate Experience ends on a depressing note: As of this writing, the actors are reporting that they haven’t been paid.

So what’s the lesson here, kids? Don’t use AI to do your work for you. If you want a script? You’re going to have to get a human to write it. Sorry to burst your sparkling, floating bubble.

(featured image: Warner Bros.)