A Case Against Freaking Out About the Presidential Election

Unlike many other people on the internet, I value my Global Entry from the Federal Government, so I am keeping my thoughts about what happened to Donald Trump when he was shot at over the weekend to myself.

However, since this weekend, we’ve been hearing a lot of people—from random social media users to reports of Democratic Party officials—fretting that the events of this weekend all but guarantee Trump will win the election in a landslide. And I would like to remind those people that in actuality, this changes nothing.

Look, I get that any decent person is terrified about what the election will hold. We all know about Project 2025, and that’s just the stuff they were happy to share with the world. It’s not great! However, let’s talk some facts.

Firstly, Trump already got his ass handed to him in 2020 by one of the widest margins in modern U.S. history. I ask you: who are the hypothetical Trump voters who sat that one out four years ago, who are now suddenly spurred on to ride at dawn via the ballot box for that guy?! Like, where were these people four years ago?! (Insert joke that would not make it past the editorial standards of The Mary Sue, about the caliber of that person and what they were doing.)

Also, let’s talk about four years ago, shall we? What were Trump supporters doing then? Let me remind you: They were coughing into each other’s mouths as if it were an Olympic sport, and licking bus stop benches all in the name of personal liberty. Yeah, remember the pandemic? Remember how many conservatives proudly refused to get the vaccine? Well guess what? They disproportionally died! So if logic follows that Trump gave it all he had and got the vast majority of his cult followers to get out there and vote for him in 2020, and then after that election, a bunch of those people died because they thought COVID wasn’t real, it doesn’t make sense to think he would have gained voters during that time.

“The independent swing voters!” you might yell into the void.

So let’s peel that one back, too, shall we? First, let me just point out that Trump hasn’t had a national election since he was indicted for all the crimes. Secondly, let’s dwell on the fact that abortion, despite the Republican’s fascist head-in-the-sand approach to it, is a viral right that got stripped away because of Trump’s Supreme Court-appointed judges, and it wins elections, even in very red states! So tell me, who is this hypothetical swing voter who is OK with their rights being stripped away from them (despite evidence to the contrary, people are very much NOT ok with it) who swallows their morals and votes for Trump because someone even more fascist than he is decided to shoot at him?

I get that we’re all freaked out here. I get it, believe me, I get it! I’m scared of a Trump presidency too! Let’s use some logic here: what happened to Trump over the weekend changes nothing. Sure, I bet he will get a bump in the polls, but whatever. These same polls expected a “Red Wave” in 2022 and predicted the fascists would take over the French government a couple of weeks ago. All I can tell you is, if you see a poll that freaks you out, go look at the methodology, and ask yourself one simple question: am I the type of person to answer a call from a number I don’t know? That’s how many of the polls are conducted. Ask yourself who is the type of person to pick up calls from unknown numbers, and voila! Now you see just who the polls are sampling.

The point is: There are no swing voters in this election, not in any numbers that matter. Those swing voters are closet Republicans who aren’t telling you they’re voting for Trump (so screw ’em) and complacent Democrats who, for whatever reason, won’t bother to vote in November. The goal here is to focus on getting everyone you know who shares your values to the polls, and ignore the rest. It’s just noise.