‘Democrats are stealing’: Marjorie Taylor Greene reignites stolen election hoax instead of admitting defeat

Stolen election? Marjorie, c’mon. You can do better. This is old fake news. The Marjorie I know wouldn’t settle for reheating the leftovers of yesterday’s news cycle.

Where’s that conspiracy theorist spark? Where’s the whackjob we all know and love to hate? The one who says that Biden is starting nuclear war with Russia and “Jewish Space Lasers” are to blame for California wildfires? Those lies were inspired. Top-tier conspiracy bullshit. “The Democrats are stealing?” Marjorie, baby, we all know you can do better at being the worst.

Marjorie, this is embarrassing. Lacks any sort of flare. Who the f*ck is John Duarte anyway? Who cares if he sits on the House? If you’re gonna accuse someone of something they didn’t do, you better accuse someone we all KNOW of something JUICY. Like when you accused Nancy Pelosi of hiring “gazapacho police” to spy on members of Congress. That work of idiocy was truly ingenious.

See Marjorie, X isn’t impressed. Ben here just broke your theory in one sentence. If you’re gonna tell a lie, it better be so convoluted, so ridiculous, so Charlie Kelly It’s Always Sunny conspiracy wall insane that it takes the good people of the internet the better part of their day to even grasp what it is you’re talking about. You wanna really own the libs? You gotta get them writing paragraphs in the comments attempting to disprove your ideological horseshit. I’m talking multiple Twitter threads. If this latest tepid “election stealing” lie is any indication, the only person you’re owning lately is yourself.

See Marjorie, this guy gets it. Your act is old. It’s tired. It’s like you trying to impress a modern day Coachella crowd with shitty stomp-clap “ho hey” 2010’s indie. You’re a decade too late. Now listen, you can either see what Ron has to say as a criticism or an opportunity to grow. Go on a little inspiration quest. Lean into your influences. Maybe listen to what your peers have to say. Why, just a few weeks ago your colleague Lauren Boebert was grilling a UFO panel about “underwater alien bases” in front of all of Congress. Are you really gonna let a person you once called a “little bitch” on the House floor do you one better? Because if you are, I know what that makes you. Your words, not mine.

Marjorie even your SUPPORTERS are tired of you. You might have thought that they might have relished the opportunity to dunk on liberals, but they don’t even feel like lacing up their sneakers and playing ball with you anymore. Marjorie, your voters elected you to LEAD them, which means that it’s YOUR JOB to provide them with the most outlandish, bugshit, cracked out, single-braincelled, dumbass, whackjob conspiracies theories that your are able. You need to start taking your role as a conservative politician in the United States’ legislative body seriously and start making things up like the rest of them. Your voters, the legion of braindead Qnon basement-dwellers you serve DEPEND on it. Don’t let them down, Marjorie.

No crime? Marjorie, you gotta make ’em BELIEVE that there was a crime. Otherwise you just look like a sad old nutjob in the twilight of her political career fighting for relevancy in a world that is sure to forget her. But I believe in you, Marjorie. I believe that if you put your mind to it, you could go down in history as one of the worst politicians in American history. Shoot for the moon, Marjorie. You’re sure to land among the garbage.