The internet has once again gathered to do one of its favorite things: to yell about a man who is, in fact, very much TAH.
I’ll condense this story from Reddit’s Am I the Asshole (AITAH) forum for you so that you won’t have to pull your hair out the way I did. But if you have the time, here’s OP’s post below. You can make your own verdict, but I can assure you that you’ll feel your skin crawl after the first two paragraphs.
Long story short
Jake, who is 25 years old, has been married to OP, who is also 25 years old, for three years. Jake’s best friend has an 18-year-old sister named Cindy. Back when OP and Jake were dating, Cindy cultivated a little-sister relationship with the couple, even asking to third-wheel on their dates. (Does that feel odd?)
To give Cindy the benefit of the doubt, she is much younger than the couple. The way OP describes it, Cindy very clearly had feelings Jake, but it could’ve been just a harmless and childish crush, and it seems like all three of them were in that friendship—OP even made Cindy one of her bridesmaids in her wedding with Jake. The couple soon moved to different states and lost contact with Cindy, who (extremely weirdly) told Jake to “not forget her” after getting married to the OP.
After some time, Cindy and her brother (Jake’s best friend, remember) came to visit the couple. Cindy started to bombard Jake with compliments, saying she was glad he didn’t look like “those boring married men” while ignoring OP’s presence. OP expressed her discomfort to Jake, but he dismissed it as Cindy being her normal little-sistery self.
Everything fell apart during the dinner party. During the last day of OP’s guests’ stay, Cindy became more aggressive in her flirtation with Jake. Telling OP that she needed to “steal” her husband is extremely rude. But sitting on Jake’s lap crosses all the lines. What’s even more frustrating is that everybody else was treating this situation as a joke. Even Jake was laughing about this ordeal, dismissing Cindy’s behavior as merely “childish.”
OP rightfully left the house until Cindy left. But upon her return, Jake was furious with her for “taking things too far.” Cindy “apologized” through a message, but also said OP was being “childish” and “insecure” for leaving the party. Even Cindy’s brother chimed in to say that OP deserved to be alone.
The obvious verdict
Everyone in the forum agrees that OP is NOT the asshole (NTA). If you can’t respect your partner’s boundaries, you shouldn’t be married, let alone be in a relationship. OP did everything right before she left without a word from that dinner party.
She told her husband that she was not comfortable with Cindy’s behavior. Even if the interactions between Jake and Cindy had no ill intent behind them (doubtful), Jake actively refused to prioritize his partner’s well-being. It isn’t “spoiled” or “petty” to let your partner know that you don’t feel safe or comfortable around another person. In this case, Jake belittled his wife’s feelings as if they weren’t rooted in reality.
Many Redditors were suggesting divorce (as Reddit is wont to do). But the couple has only been married for three years, which means there’s still time for OP and Jake to nip this in the bud and rethink their dynamics to set a new foundation for the future of their relationship. If Jake could learn to take his wife’s distress seriously, this marriage might stand a chance.
