**Update 8/21/23: this list was originally written with pre-release hype in mind. Now that we’ve all had time to play the game and get down with our fantasy selves, it has been updated to reflect the full game-state.**
With hundreds of hours of gameplay, thousands of lines of dialogue, and a snazzy set of faces to boot, Baldur’s Gate 3 is quickly shaping up to be a game-changer in the world of fantasy RPGs. Larian Studios has done what very few studios have actually managed to do: create a video game with player enjoyment as the priority, not how much money they can milk out of it.
Of course that includes the writing of the romances! Each romance in BG3 goes beyond a simple sex “conquest” (as many games tend to conclude with), and instead has the potential to blossom into an entirely unique relationship based on player actions. You can go on dates, be poly, get married, and even get down with your furry self:
Of course, while everyone’s entitled to their personal taste, some romances are simply more well-written and developed than others, which is where this list comes in. If your favorite woobie doesn’t get a higher ranking, it doesn’t mean they’re bad, or that you have trash taste in woobies. It just means your woobie probably deserved more screentime than they actually got. We’re pro-woobie, over here.
8. Minthara
Minthara’s design is incredibly cool, and if you’re into scary women who love to throw you around, then you’ve hit the jackpot. As a Drow, coming straight from the dregs of Drow society, Minthara is truly not looking for a “relationship” in the way that we might define such a thing. She wants a concubine to conquest the coast with.
That in and of itself puts her a little lower, but what truly cements her at the bottom of this list is her exclusivity. Minthara is only a companion (and consequently a romance) if you kill all the Tieflings and Druids in Silvanus Grove, thereby allying yourself with the goblins. In other words, you gotta really commit to the evil bit—and even then, she doesn’t have as much content as the rest of the team.
7. Halsin
All throughout Early Access, fans were praying to whichever pantheon god they loved the most that we’d get a Halsin romance. And we did! And it’s … it’s something!
It feels like Larian leaned a little too hard into the fanservice side of things when designing not just Halsin’s romance, but his characterization as a whole. A lot of both sides to him can be chalked up to a couple of core attributes: 1) his love of nature, 2) his bearish qualities, and 3) his love for sex. And I mean, all that is well and good, but there was room for more in there beyond simplicities.
At the very least, you get not just one jaw-dropping sex-scene, but two with Halsin. The bear scene honestly has nothin’ on the “normal” scene. And that’s saying something!
6. Wyll
I’ve been hearing from Alyssa Shotwell about how Wyll’s romance is going, and it sounds like it’s been the slowest of burns. This is fantastic for people who want to be “properly” courted, who want a sweet, charming romance with a man who will treat them right. I guess I’m just a glutton for punishment, as are most other players, because many consider Wyll to be a little too slow.
Which is funny, considering he loves putting the moves on Shadowheart and Lae’zel (often with both in the party concurrently), but when it comes to you, he’s incredibly doting. All in all, he’s the fairytale option: gentlemanly and dashing, whose only “flaw” is his traditional sensibilities.
Related: Best Diablo Game: All Diablo Games, Ranked on Twinfinite
5. Karlach
Because she wasn’t a main companion in early access, nobody was really sure what to make of Karlach initially. Her ensuing fan turnaround is, therefore, incredibly impressive, and speaks to how much fans adore her and her romance.
Karlach hasn’t been touched in ten years, nor has she really been allowed to be herself in that amount of time, so she’s raring to go and stoked to be here the entire time you know her. She’s super fun and good-natured, and once you work around the whole Body-On-Fire thing, her delight in getting to be intimate with you is at once sexy and adorable.
Of course, we should acknowledge the obvious, which is that she’s a babe. Big pretty lady. Love that. The only reason we’re not ranking her higher is because her romance is relatively straightforward, but like I said earlier, a lack of drama doesn’t mean a lack of quality!
4. Gale
Gale’s complexities translate into being a very romantically and sexually complicated human being. Many players are complaining that they’ve accidentally triggered his romance just by being nice to him, which is fair, considering his dialogue options are written vaguely and with much left up to interpretation. I myself deliberately tried romancing him and was put off by how quickly he wanted things to speed along.
And it makes sense, considering who he is. All at once, he thinks the world would be better off without him, and he has aspirations of godhood. Gale is an all-or-nothing kinda guy, more prone to grand gestures than moments of authenticity and vulnerability. For those who like that kinda thing, they’ll be delighted by his wizardly ways … which get pretty damn wild.
3. Lae’zel
Bae’zel is one of the first characters to outright proposition you once you start getting in her good graces, and she’s remarkably forthright about her intentions. She doesn’t want to be your “hot githyanki girlfriend,” she wants to throw you around and call you names while doing it. Peak romance!
Except she’s much more than that, without sacrificing who she is in order to fit a standard sense of morality. Laezel could be the most consistent hookup of your dreams, or you could be the one who teaches her what love is. Either way, you go, getting to see her open up to you is truly delightful, reminiscent of romancing Morrigan in Dragon Age: Origins, and only serves to further highlight just how great of a character she is.
2. Shadowheart
My girl. I love this girl. Shadowheart is seemingly a pretty straightforward character—secretive, determined, and a little mean—but there are layers to her that made romancing her one of my favorite parts of this game. She’s slow to open up to you, yet she’s surprisingly understanding of your “involvements” with other characters, and ultimately isn’t out to make anyone’s life harder than it is, most of all her own.
When she does open up to you, though, it really feels earned and worthwhile. She’s achingly sweet and earnest, yet never loses the parts of her that make her her. Much of Shadowheart’s romance revolves around her realizing that she’s finally found someone she can trust, who will take care of her, so she no longer has to be alone, and she returns that trust and care tenfold. Plus, there are pets and a cottage in her ideal future, and maybe I’m just a simple bitch, but that’s more than enough for me.
Of course, I can’t entirely let my biases rule my rankings, so I gotta give credit where credit’s due:
1. Astarion
This nasty little vampire truly didn’t gel with my main character, yet even so, I think he has the best romance in the game, by far. Astarion fooled everyone in early access into thinking he was just your standard slutty vampire, a playboy, out for something quick and easy. But the more you get to know him and prove to him that you’re not his standard predatory fare, the more he begins to understand who he is, what he wants, and who he wants you to be in relation to all that.
And it’s honestly heartbreaking, as well as immensely gratifying, seeing this coy, reactive vampire become more authentic in his intentions and choices. For the first time ever, he lets his guard down because of you, and even if he’s still a little shit, he becomes his own little shit.
Better yet, if you lean in a different direction and enable all his poor decision-making, he’s still a compelling romance—just in a more maniacal way! All the hype around Astarion is well-deserved, and at this point, I feel comfortable considering him the game’s Poster Boy for all these reasons alone.
(featured image: Larian Studios)
Published: Aug 22, 2023 06:34 pm