Father, What Are All The ‘God Of War’ Games In Order?

BOY.

Why do you trying my patience with such frivolous questions? We are in the middle of a hunt. If you do not keep silent you will scare away our prey. The only game you should be thinking of is the ice elk that scampered off into the woods while you were talking.

Our troubles are many, and our resources are few. We have the entire Norse pantheon to kill AND we have to star in a live action movie. Now is the time to focus.

You’re not focusing, boy…

FINE. I will tell you of my exploits of when I was a younger man. And then YOU will go off and create your own legend after we kill this elk. Here are all the God of War games, in order.

I will begin at the beginning, in a distant land known as Sparta…

God of War: Ascension

In my youth, I was proud warrior, a conqueror, and a very angry man. I served in the Spartan military and won battle after battle. However, I ran afoul of the God of War, Ares. He tricked me into murdering my family. It was what my fans would call “a dick move”. In a rage, I broke my blood oath with the god. This game takes place six months later. I was captured by the Furies, hellions from the pits of Hades and tortured without end. It was then that I learned the terrible truth about my bond with Ares himself. Do you wish to know it? Play the game and find out.

God of War: Chains of Olympus

After thwarting the plans of Ares, I pledged myself to serve the gods of Olympus. I did this for 10 years. I did many things for the gods, and I was hardly compensated for my labor. My fans would call this “an internship”. I call it an injustice. They are one in the same. One of my greatest labors for the gods was my investigation into the disappearance of the sun god Helios. I discovered that Persephone, wife of Hades, was using the Titan Atlas in order to *sigh* just play the game. It is too much to explain.

God of War (2005)

It is here that many would say my quest “officially” began. God of War was the first game that was made to depict my many deeds and misdeeds. After my ten years of laboring for the gods, I was tasked by Athena to recover Pandora’s Box, which would give me the power to destroy the god of war Ares. I killed many a monster by cleverly pressing buttons in quicktime events, and using this secret technique I was able to kill Ares and take his place as the god of war. I was safe from his scheming, but still my mind was troubled…

God of War: Ghost of Sparta

I wished to learn more about myself, to dig deeper into my past. My fans would call it “therapeutic,” though I know not the meaning of the word. I discovered that my mother and brother were still alive, and that Thanatos, the god of death, had captured my brother Deimos. I slew the dark god, but my brother lost his life in the battle. I returned to Olympus. I was “royally pissed off”. I just learned the meaning of this phrase, and find that it is apt.

God of War: Betrayal

I was later framed for murder. I murder I did not commit. This may seem surprising, as there are many murders that I did commit. This was not one of them. I traveled across the lands of Greece, and later committed another murder. It is ironic. The person I slew was Ceryx, the son of Hermes. This further distanced me from the gods. Our relationship was “toxic” to say the least.

God of War 2

To vent my rage, I laid waste the the city of Rhodes. This was not a wise idea, but I did not see reason in those days. I was betrayed by The King of The Gods, Zeus. However, I was saved by the Titan Gaia, and tasked to meet with the three Sisters of Fate to prevent my death. Unsurprisingly, it was a violent confrontation. I also came to learn that Zeus was my own father, and that the King of The Gods betrayed me out of fear of my power. Furious, I joined the Titans in a final assault on Mount Olympus.

God of War 3

I waged war on Olympus, and with the help of the Titans, I slew Poseidon. However, I was betrayed again by the Titans, who were only using me in their plan to kill Zeus. I was so angry that I killed … everyone. I even ripped off Helios’ head. It was … a “dick move”. After slaying all the gods and Titans, I met Zeus in single combat and murdered him, too. I then killed the only person left: myself.

God of War: A Call From The Wilds

But not really … I survived my own suicide and traveled here, to Norse lands. I met your dear mother, and sired you, Atreus. If you remember, this game was your first adventure into these wild lands. I wouldn’t be surprised if the details are hazy. It was a text based game on Facebook. Not exactly “cool,” as the children would say.

God of War: Mimir’s Vision

This game is not really a game at all. More of a guide to the world we find ourselves in. The player can control the vision of Mimir, and point to objects on the world map and learn their history. I can’t understand how anyone could listen to the head speak for that long, but people did.

God of War (2018)

You remember these events well, do you not? We killed a dragon. Slayed multiple gods. Traveled across the many realms that lay on the branches of the world tree. We also became … close. You taught me many things on this journey, and I am proud of you. What? NO, I am not crying. There is simply a flake of snow in my eye.

God of War: Ragnarok

This game details the journey we now find ourselves on. We were awoken from our slumber by the god Thor, who came with dark tidings. It seems that our exploits triggered Ragnarok, the Twilight of the Gods. I know not where our adventure will take us, because the game is rather recent. I have not yet beaten it. I am sure that some have, but they are called “nerds” and they have “no life.” Mark them in your bestiary, boy, we may have to battle a few on our quest.

(Featured image: Santa Monica Studio)