Time To Go to Anime High School

So … you like dirty anime do you? The kind with sexy ladies facing off against even sexier villains? The kind where the necklines are low and the skirts are high? The kind where boobs are governed by their own non-Newtonian laws of physics? Yeah … I know your type. I’ve got exactly what you’re looking for… follow me down this long, dark hallway and step into the room at the end.

How’s it look in there? A little dank maybe? Moldy? What’s that growing out of the walls? Some kind of lichen? I’m sure that won’t be a problem for you. After all, I bet your apartment looks just the same. You don’t do anything there but watch kinky anime and let the trash pile up right? I’m certain you’ll be just fine here.

*the cell door slams shut*

… in Hentai Jail.

I can tell by the look in your eyes … you thought this place was a myth. Nothing but an urban legend told by prudes to scare people away from the naughty stuff. I’m sorry to burst your little bubble, but Hentai Jail is very real. It was designed to keep perverts like you locked away for the good of society.

And now, your real punishment begins.

I’m gonna tell you some stories, stories of alllllllll the filthy anime that you’ll never get to watch again. I heard that you were a fan of Prison School. You like slobbering over high schoolers, huh? Well, I know plenty more anime just like it. Let me tell you about a few of them, how about it?

10) High School of The Dead

Imagine you’re a high school boy in a world that is suddenly overrun by zombies, and the only survivors are your three hottest classmates. And they all NEED you, because even though they’re each highly capable of fighting off zombies using guns and swords, they couldn’t BEAR the thought of having to survive in a world without boys like you by their side. How does that sound? Blood, boobs, and zombies. Could there ever be a more perfect combination for freaks like you? Too bad you’ll never live in a world like that.

9) High School DxD

Now imagine you’re a horny high schooler once again. Shouldn’t be hard, you can draw from your own personal experience. All you and your nasty little friends want is to ogle the girls in your class. One day, you think your luck is going to change because a girl asked you out—and then she reveals herself to be a fallen angel and KILLS YOU. I wish your story would end there, but alas, I’m not God. You’re brought back to life in a world of sexy demons and fallen angels, and a particularly well-endowed demon named Rias Gremory wants you to be her servant. Too bad you’re useless.

8) Shimoneta: A Boring World Where the Concept of Dirty Jokes Doesn’t Exist

Now imagine a world of extreme censorship, where not even a lewd THOUGHT is allowed. Sounds like Hell for someone like you, huh? Lucky for you, one of your female classmates recruits you to her underground organization called SOX, which is fighting for the right for perverts to be perverts. Imagine that, a world where your kinky little desires are actually valued. Sounds too good to be true? It is.

7) Kill La Kill

Oh you’ll love this one. Picture being a cute young girl on a revenge quest against the oppressive student council ruling over Honnouji Academy. You think that the leader of the student council killed your father, and so you’re gonna cut her up with your sword made out of half a pair of giant scissors. Plus you’re wearing a skimpy little sailor suit that gives you superpowers based on the amount of skin it shows. How could this get any better?

6) Akame Ga Kill

Now imagine this: instead of being a hot and competent female character, you’re a useless boy surrounded by hot and competent female characters. Lucky you. Make them do all the dirty work, huh? These hot and competent women make up the backbone of an organization called Night Raid, who have inexplicably recruited you to help them in their assassination missions against an oppressive government.

Related: The 10 Best Genshin Impact Characters Ranked on Attack of the Fanboy

5) Golden Boy

Oh look, another anime about a useless boy on a sex quest. How perfectly up your alley. Imagine you’re Kintaro Oe, a 25-year-old law school dropout who has decided to spend his days bumming around Japan. You work odd jobs to make ends meet, and you depend on the kindness of sexy female strangers whose arms you fall into again and again. Sure, this series claims to be about passion, determination, and personal growth, but actually it’s just the story of another horny young boy and the girls who inexplicably fall for him.

4) No Game No Life

Picture this: you and your sister are really good at playing games. NOT THOSE KIND OF GAMES.

*slap*

I meant ONLINE GAMES. AND NOT THOSE KINDS OF ONLINE GAMES EITHER.

*slap*

I MEANT LIKE CHESS. STRATEGY GAMES. In fact, they’re so good at games that they are transported to a magical world where the outcome of games determines the fates of entire races of beings! It sounds like it would be an issekai right? You would think, except for the metric ton of fanservice that’s dumped onto every episode.

3) Rosario + Vampire

Now imagine you’re a useless teenager who enrols in Yokai Academy, a high school designed for monsters and supernatural creatures. You have to keep your identity a secret, even from Moka Akashiya, a beautiful vampire girl who becomes inexplicably infatuated with you. Sure you’ll have to fight off the forces of darkness for the sake of the plot, but really you’re just in a harem anime with hot monster girls. If only they knew that you’re the REAL monster.

2) Sekirei

Oh look, a series about another loser. I’m sure you can relate. Imagine you’re a high schooler who fails his college entrance exams not once, but TWICE. Now you’re directionless, BUT you soon a mysterious girl named Musubi, who is one of the “Sekirei.” The Sekirei are a group of superpowered humans (who are all totally out of your league) who take part in a battle royale called the “Sekirei Plan.” And yet Musubi NEEDS you to help her win (and maybe she’ll let you hook up with her if you do).

1) Trinity Seven

Last one, until tomorrow at least. Imagine you’re a high school boy whose hometown was destroyed by a magical phenomenon called the Breakdown Effect. In order to find answers, you enrol in Royal Biblia Academy, a school for mages. Eventually, you become a member of the Trinity Seven, a group of seven female mages who are the academy’s top students. Each member of the Trinity Seven represents one of the seven deadly sins (and I’m sure Lust will be your favorite). Now you and your harem of mage girls must embark on a quest to discover the mystery of the Breakdown Phenomenon and prevent it from happening again.

Bet you wish you could watch just one of these, huh? Too bad. Now lights out, scum. I’ll be back again tomorrow. I’m gonna go watch Highschool DxD FOR THE PLOT.

(featured image: J.C. Staff)