The Best Virgo Anime Characters of All Time

This list is going to be close to my heart. You know why?

Because I’m a FUCKING VIRGO AND IT’S FUCKING VIRGO SEASONNNNNN!!! *air horns*

Seriously though, Virgos are actually scientifically proven to be the best sign. We beat out these Gemini fools and these frigid Capricorns. We’re intelligent, ambitious, meticulous, and basically good at everything we ever do ever. We’re actually the greatest of writers primarily because of our love of punctuation. We especially love semi-colons; we pleasure ourselves to the very idea of them (oh god yes; don’t stop). So, to celebrate our freaky and grammatically kinky ways, I’m compiling a list of the filthiest clean-freak Virgos who would totally get off to the idea of editing an English paper or getting down on their knees and scrubbing that dirty little bathroom floor.

Hange Zoe

Starting off our list is the resplendent Monarch of Anime Virgos, Attack On Titan‘s Hange Zoe. Hange Zoe is the epitome of a Virgo. Why? Well first off, it’s because they’re an unabashed genius; (oh yeah) the gears in their mind are always turning. They have invented countless useful inventions for fighting the titan threat, including the devastating Executioner From Hell: a massive, wall-mounted guillotine that is capable of demolishing Titans without risking soldier’s lives in the process. They also made countless scientific discoveries about the nature of Titans, and was one of the first people to theorize that Titans need energy from the sun in order to stay mobile. They are such a competent character that resident AoT badass, Erwin Smith, named them as his successor as commander of the Survey Corps. Hange is practical, imaginative, and all-around brilliant. Hange also has that touch of delightful weirdness that is part of the Virgo charm. Hange Zoe is 200% likely to get down and dirty with some crossword puzzles, or maybe even some Sudoku if they’re feeling really intellectually thirsty.

Kakashi Hatake

Another wonderful Virgo freak, Kakashi Hatake is one of the most talented Ninja to ever Virgo through the streets of the Hidden Leaf Village. Known as the Copy Ninja, Kakashi has mastered thousands of different types of jutsus and is able to perform each jutsu flawlessly. Like many other Virgos, he is also wickedly creative; (don’t stop) he invented a justu which allows the user to channel their chakra into lightning in their palm. Kakashi is also a gifted mentor, he teaches his student, Sasuke, to wield the chidori, so effectively, that Sasuke is able to use the technique to win a sparring match against the previously unbeatable Gaara. A master of deception and subterfuge, Kakashi is always two moves ahead of his opponents. The Copy Ninja is able to singlehandedly turn the tide of a slew of battles in the Naruto universe. He also really loves reading, a favorite Virgo pastime. It’s probably some kinky grammar book, or maybe *gasping* literary criticism. Or it’s some sort of sexy English professor x reader fan fic. Oh god yes—TAKE ME, PROFESSOR.

Kaworu

Kaworu, like the Virgo version of a beautiful morning glory, blooms and dies in one day; (hot) in the case of Neon Genesis Evangelion, he lives for only one episode. Kaworu is an angel. And I don’t mean that figuratively, but literally. Okay, so if you don’t know Evangelion it’s going to be a lot to explain here, but basically, the Earth is being invaded by god-like extraterrestrial beings known as angels, in order to merge with a divine being that they believe to be held in the basement of a government facility called NERV. Kaworu wants to do this as well, for reasons unknown, but it’s most likely because it will make him “more perfect,” which is honestly the most Virgo reason I’ve ever heard. Using his spooky alien intellect, he is able to manipulate his way into the NERV facilities and reach the basement. Much to his surprise, the being in the basement is different than what he expected; (mmm…) Kaworu is unable to merge with it. So what does he do? He asks his friend Shinji to kill him. Which is the most Virgo thing ever. “If I cannot be perfect then I must die,” is a phrase that is tattooed on the inside of the eyelids of every single Virgo in existence. It’s our fatal flaw. We want things to be perfect, including ourselves, and lament the fact that they can’t be. It’s tragic, no? Maybe getting busy with a game of Scrabble would make this kid feel better, but honestly, I doubt it.

Near

Sometimes the other zodiac signs make a mess; (oh god yes) and it takes a Virgo to clean that mess up. And Death Note‘s Near really does walk right into a mess of epic proportions. After boy detective, L, is murdered by the illusive serial killer, “Kira,” Near is recruited by L’s former task force to pick up where L left off and finish his work. And boy does he. Using his computer brain (that is standard issue to all Virgos), Near deduces that the elusive “Kira” could be no one else but (spoiler alert) the series protagonist, Light Yagami. Near is cold, aloof, and totally detached. He looks at the world like a giant Rubik’s cube, just waiting for a touch from his talented hands. He singlehandedly leads a team of Japan’s sharpest minds to successfully take down Light Yagami for good. He’s still a kid, so we can’t say exactly what he’ll be into later, but we assume, one day, he’ll become a red-blooded grammarsexual like the rest of us.

Emma

Another child genius, Emma is one of the three eldest children at the Grace Field Orphanage. She spends the first eleven years of her life in bliss, until one day she discovers that the Grace Field Orphanage is not an orphanage at all, but a farm where children are raised to be fed to demons. So what does she do, sit and cry? Hardly, we Virgos don’t even have emotions. No, she thinks about her problem and comes up with a plan. Brilliant! With the help her two equally ingenious (and honorary Virgo) best friends, she hatches a wildly creative plot to escape the clutches of the adults who run Grace Field. She (later) escapes into a society run by demons, and uses her superior intellect to survive the trials and tribulations of the outside world. Uncharacteristic of standard Virgo behavior, she is also the beating heart of her group; (yes) she wishes for a world where demons and humans can live peacefully without killing one another. She is ever an idealist, like many young Virgos are. She will likely grow into an accomplished and intelligent adult, albeit one with a penchant for scrubbing toilet bowls until they shine like the stars above.

Featured Image Credit: Studio Wit