The Vampire Diaries and The Originals Actress Claire Holt Opens up About Her Miscarriage

There are still so many things that are stigmatized about pregnancy that it is exceptionally hard for women to have the honest and sometimes painful, but necessary, conversations. Claire Holt, in an act of unparalleled bravery, took to Instagram to share her miscarriage story.

I took this photo 10 days ago, as I waited for surgery after my sweet little baby lost its heartbeat. I sent it to my fiancé in the waiting room to show him that I was ok. I wasn’t. I’ve never felt more broken in my life. I debated sharing this so soon and I’m still frightened about making such a private struggle public, but I’m doing it anyway because it’s important. After my D & C, I spent hours on the internet searching for women who had been through it. I was desperate to find someone, anyone, who could relate to what I was feeling. Someone to tell me that the depression and hopelessness were normal. That it wasn’t my fault. That I wasn’t broken forever. I found a community of women who shared my exact experience. Who were open and vulnerable about miscarriage, something that isn’t often or openly discussed. It breaks my heart to think that losing a baby feels like something we have to keep to ourselves. Why is it any different than the death of a loved one? How is it any less meaningful? Here is what I have learned as I begin to crawl out of the dark hole: support is everything. I could not have survived this without the unconditional love of my partner. Despite his pain, he was my rock and my safety net. I will never know how to thank him. I also found that opening up to people is crucial. As soon as I told my story, almost everyone I spoke to told me theirs – their own, their wife’s, their sister’s. So many people go through it and understand the breadth of pain, yet so few people talk about it. Finally, I want to share a blog post that resonated with every part of me. You can find the link in my bio, @leandramcohen of @manrepeller articulates the emotional rollercoaster with an eloquence that I could never possess. To anyone out there who has been through a miscarriage, I understand you. I share every bit of your pain and you are not alone. Please be kind to yourself and I hope that you will be comfortable sharing your story too.

A post shared by Claire Holt (@claireholt) on Mar 4, 2018 at 3:52pm PST

I read the post last night, and I’m not ashamed to say that I teared up a little. As a CW trash-bucket, I have watched Holt in both The Vampire Diaries and The Originals for about seven years and her character is one of my favorites.

One of the most shocking realizations I’ve experienced is that women my own age could have miscarriages. I’ve known friends and cousins who had miscarriages in their 20s and it seemed so surreal because that kind of stuff usually is portrayed as happening to “older” or “sick” women. However, that is a myth, since miscarriage happens frequently, regardless of age.

According to the organization Tommy’s, which is focused on providing care and support for those who’ve lost babies due to miscarriages, miscarriages are common for a multitude of reasons:

• As many as 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage.
• Among women who know they are pregnant, it is estimated that 1 in 6 pregnancies end in miscarriage.
• 1 in 4 women experience a miscarriage in their lifetime.
• The majority of miscarriages happen in the first trimester – about three in every four miscarriages happen during this period. (This is why the Tommy’s National Miscarriage Research Centre is dedicated to exploring the causes of early miscarriage).
• Most miscarriages in the first trimester are caused by chromosomal abnormalities in the baby.
• The overall risk of miscarriage under 12 weeks in known pregnancies is 1 in 5.
• In women with a BMI over 30, the risk is 1 in 4.
• 1 in every 80-90 pregnancies is ectopic, which is around 12,000 pregnancies a year.
• About 1 in 100 women in the UK experience recurrent miscarriages (three or more in a row) and more than 60% of these women go on to have a successful pregnancy.
• In women under 30, 1 in 10 pregnancies will end in miscarriage.
• In women aged 35-39, this increases to up to 2 in 10 pregnancies.
• In women over 45, more than half of all pregnancies will end in miscarriage.
• In 2016, the average age of mothers increased to 30.4 years, compared with 30.3 years in 2015.

The age of keeping silent about trauma is over. I think that Holt is right, there is no reason she should have to keep her grief over the loss of a child she wanted to keep. Exposing any kind of raw emotions like that on the internet is difficult, but thankfully, the responses have been overwhelmingly positive. As they should be.

I hope that Holt’s words give other women the solidarity to know that they are not alone. The blog post that Holt mentioned is also amazing and we will link to it so that anyone who needs it has it.

(via Instagram, image: Kristin Murphy/Getty Images for Operation Smile)

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