Florida Bear Breaks Into House, Steals and Drinks White Claws

We all know Florida Man, now get ready to meet Florida Bear. And you better be prepared to love him just as much as the family he robbed does.

Named Tripod by his human neighbors on account of his missing leg, the three-legged black bear is a beloved local figure, roaming the streets of Lake Mary Florida alongside a whole host of more dangerous animals, including “snakes, coyotes, and [other] bears.” However, it turns out Tripod is also a criminal! This shocking revelation was brought to us by the home security system of Josaury Faneite-Diglio, which captured footage of Tripod engaging in some light breaking and entering, shortly followed by a bout of drunk and disorderly behavior, as he consumed his ill-gotten gains right there in the backyard of the family he robbed!

The Faneite-Diglio family have a large lanai (a Hawaiian-style open-sided porch or veranda) built on the side of their house, containing a pool and, crucially, a poolside bar complete with keg and a fridge for drinks. Though their lanai had a screen door in place to keep unwanted visitors and wildlife out, this wasn’t enough to deter Tripod, who tore right through it in his quest to get inside and experience a little bit of that good life, people-style. Alerted by their external home security system, Josaury Faneite-Diglio was able to warn her 13-year-old son about the ursine break-in, who was then able to take over recording Tripod’s crimes from a safe distance.

After making his way through the screen door and onto the lanai, Tripod made a beeline right for the drinks fridge and successfully opened its door. I repeat: bears can open doors now and they don’t even have opposable thumbs. Perhaps we should be concerned. After perusing its contents and rejecting the keg, perhaps because he is a modern bear with modern tastes, or simply because it was too hard to get into, Tripod selected himself three White Claws (one for every paw!) and proceeded to puncture one and drink it. Then he raided the family’s supply of fish food—haven’t we all made questionable drunk-hungry food decisions—before finally ambling away, a little more unsteady on his paws than before.

Despite the objectively alarming nature of a bear breaking into your house, the Faneite-Diglio family seem remarkably unphased, with the 13-year-old telling reporters he wasn’t even scared until he saw Tripod open the fridge and wondered if he could open other doors, too. Speaking to CBS News, Josaury Faneite-Diglio adopted a sanguine approach to Tripod’s antics, saying:

“As you may know, it’s hot here in Florida, so Tripod the bear needed to refresh, and he decided to go for the White Claws when he opened the cooler.”

Despite the literal daylight robbery committed by the bear, Faneite-Diglio’s attitude toward him hasn’t changed, telling CBS News that “He does not harm. We are surrounded by wildlife, deers, snakes, coyotes, and bears. This is their habitat. We respect them and give them the space.” Hopefully Tripod manages to maintain so cordial a relationship with all his neighbors going forward, though if he makes a habit of stealing their booze, all bets are off.

(featured image: Getty Images)